


the heathers/mean girls crossover texting fic no one asked for

by heckinshutup



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, How Do I Tag, M/M, big gay, jk im kinda not lol, nobody asked for this im sorry, texting fic, theyre lesbians harold
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heckinshutup/pseuds/heckinshutup
Summary: cousins Janis Sarkisian and Veronica Sawyer love their bitchy, queen bee girlfriends and no one's gonna stop them.





	1. Moods and keyboard smashes

**Author's Note:**

> I got some inspo bc ive been reading like five million texting fics and i decided to write one myself hope you guys enjoy!

_**or.its.the.russians** has added  **too-gay-to-function** ,  **caddy-the-daddy** ,  **actualangel** , **anxiety™** , and  **golden-retriever** to the chat._

 

**_or.its.the.russians_ ** _has named the chat "webkinz vs. neopets."_

 

_Saturday 2:23 pm_

 

or.its.the.russians: hi id like to start off with gretchen wtf are you ok

 

anxiety™: :) yep

 

or.its.the.russians: okay im worried for you but mood

 

too-gay-to-function: Lmao same

 

or.its.the.russians: id like to continue with caddy wtf

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes?

 

too-gay-to-function: janis, darling, you taught her that word youve brought this on yourself.

 

or.its.the.russians: who even r u the daddy to

 

caddy-the-daddy: ;)

 

caddy-the-daddy: jk no one yet lmao

 

or.its.the.russians: bITCH I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK GSAHGGAFFSDFHDHJAK

 

actualangel: Oh please Janis you know Cady would tell e v e r y o n e if she had a crush on somebody. I mean she would not shut up about Aaron.

 

or.its.the.russians: and then he turned out to be gay lol

 

too-gay-to-function: im with aaron rn and he said regina turned him gay jashgdhaf

 

**_too-gay-to-function_ ** _has added **father-of-gays** to the chat._

 

caddy-the-daddy: bitch im the father of the gays

 

or.its.the.russians: tag urself im caddy calling aaron bitch

 

actualangel: Tag yourself im h u R T!?

 

father-of-gays: Sorry Regina!

 

too-gay-to-function: hes not sorry lmao

 

actualangel: :'(

 

actualangel: Well you turned me gay too soooooooo

 

or.its.the.russians: bitch you were already gay you just used aaron too make you look straight™

 

actualangel: And Aaron used me to make him look straight™

 

father-of-gays: Lol truth

 

golden-retriever: Guys why is my name golden retriever? I'm not a dog?

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen sweaty were calling you pure

 

golden-retriever: What does that mean?

 

caddy-the-daddy: unicorn emoji, tent emoji, strawberry emoji

 

golden-retriever: mushroom emoji!! rose emoji!

 

too-gay-to-function: what did she say?

 

caddy-the-daddy: she said "aww!! youre so sweet!"

 

or.its.the.russians: how the frick did you know that

 

actualangel: I've known Karen for six years and I don't even know what she's saying???

 

or.its.the.russians: fake friend

 

actualangel: ...

 

or.its.the.russians: shit gina u know i didnt mean it

 

maybe.its.the.russians: gina it was a joke

 

caddy-the-daddy: ruh roh

 

or.its.the.russians: regina?

 

anxiety™: oh my GOSH janis

 

or.its.the.russians: fuck it im coming over crap

 

caddy-the-daddy: good hecking job janis

 

anxiety™: no cursing on My GOoD cHrIStiAN SeRvER

 

caddy-the-daddy: oops sorry

 

too-gay-to-function: whipped

 

father-of-gays: Whipped

 

actualangel: No Janis oh my word I'm fine! I had to eat dinner with my family!

 

actualangel: Also whipped.

 

golden-retriever: Guys??? Is Cady hurt????????? Clown face emoji?!

 

anxiety™: karen cayds fine theyre just saying shes rainbow flag emoji

 

golden-retriever: Oh! Smiley emoji! Rainbow flag emoji!

 

anxiety™: yes dear pure karen

 

caddy-the-daddy: cayds

 

too-gay-to-function: cayds

 

actualangel: Cayds

 

father-of-gays: Cayds

 

anxiety™: bitches

 

caddy-the-daddy: WHOS CURSING NOW!?!!??!?!?!

 

actualangel: Lmao

 

actualangel: Guys Janis got here and she's pissed at me lol

 

too-gay-to-function: just hug her shell calm down

 

too-gay-to-function: doesnt work when i do it

 

caddy-the-daddy: used to work when i did

 

too-gay-to-function: lol yeah thats how we found out bc caddy doesnt know what personal space is

 

or.its.the.russians: screw you all

 

too-gay-to-function: and did it work?

 

or.its.the.russians: ...

 

or.its.the.russians: yes

 

caddy-the-daddy: whipped

 

or.its.the.russians: shut

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has changed **or.its.the.russians** 's name to  **whipped**_

 

_**whipped** has changed  **caddy-the-daddy** 's name to  **whippedx2**_

 

whippedx2: h u r T

 

whipped: lmao k

 

actualangel: Janis couldn't care less rn.

 

too-gay-to-function: wtf did i miss

 

anxiety™: lmao a lot apparently

 

anxiety™: also @whipped what is this name 

 

whipped: oh yes

 

whipped: well you see

 

whipped: my cousin her friends and i had a debate on neopets and webkinz and which ones better and so i wanted to ask you guys

 

actualangel: "debate"

 

whipped: yes??

 

actualangel: Janis, honey, you argue

 

actualangel: You do not debate.

 

whipped: agsgdhjgfhjafh

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Saturday 5:19 pm_

 

whipped: FUCKIN

 

whipped: SHE CALLED ME HONEY

 

v-sawyer: biTCH WHAT

 

whipped: wait hold on

 

**_whipped_ ** _has added **anxiety™** ,  **golden-retriever** , and  **whippedx2** to the chat._

 

whipped: WELCOME BITCHES SCROLL UP

 

whippedx2: wth bitch im bi

 

golden-retriever: Half moon emoji!

 

whippedx2: (she said me too janis)

 

anxiety™: i ship it

 

h-macarena: Ship what? What do we ship? I'm ready?!

 

anxiety™: karen (golden-retriever) and cady (whippedx2)

 

h-macarena: Bitch I ship it too the fuck.

 

v-sawyer: asjfhgfhsg

 

v-sawyer: did the great????? heather mcnamara???????? just curse????????????

 

anxiety™: in my GOOD CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER

 

v-sawyer: BITCH YES

 

h-macarena: New ship! Ronnie and anxiety™!

 

anxiety™: my name is gretchen lol

 

h-macarena: That's a very unique name! I like it!

 

anxiety™: thanks i got it for my birthday

 

v-sawyer: bitcH I SPIT OUT MY FRICKIN POP

 

anxiety™: pop? lmao we call it soda

 

whipped: they from ohio

 

anxiety™: worst state -2/10

 

v-sawyer: bitch whAT THE FUCK???!!!

 

anxiety™: WHAT THE FUCK?!??!!?

 

v-sawyer: ayyyy she got it

 

anxiety™: better state 3/10

 

v-sawyer: ill take it

 

v-sawyer: anyway @whipped BITCH SHE CALLED YOU WHAT?!?!!?!?!?!

 

whipped: oh yeah

 

whipped: reginacallingmeapetnameforthefirsttimeinyears.jpg

 

v-sawyer: omg

 

anxiety™: omg

 

whippedx2: omg

 

h-macarena: omg

 

golden-retriever: Smiley emoji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has she told you yet?!

 

whipped: told me what?

 

_**golden-retriever** _ _has left the chat._

 

whippedx2: sigh ill go talk to her

 


	2. flirting and cookie dough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whipped: push me to the edge
> 
> whipped: all i taste is egg

_webkinz vs. neopets_

 

_Monday 11:01 pm_

 

whipped: so i made eggless cookie dough

 

actualangel: Why the FUCK would you do that?!

 

whipped: because i actually care about my body sometimes??

 

too-gay-to-function: shush regina let her have this

 

whipped: thank you????

 

whipped: anyway eggless cookie dough DUCKIN SUCKS

 

whipped: lmao duckin

 

actualangel: Janis only you would make fun of your own typo, sweetheart.

 

whipped: lmao that me

 

whipped: anyway it sucked?? so i texted my dad and he said to add an egg?? so i did?????

 

actualangel: And?

 

whipped: push me to the edge

 

whipped: all i taste is egg

 

actualangel: LMAO JANIS YOURE ACTUALLY THE GREATEST AJSHFA

 

whipped: lol i didnt think it was that funny but thank you???

 

actualangel: No prob, doll!

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Monday 11:11 pm_

 

whipped: foolmetwice.jpg

 

whipped: shekeyboardsmashed.jpg

 

whipped: doll.jgp

 

v-sawyer: bitch

 

v-sawyer: also 11:11 make a wish

 

whipped: i wished

 

v-sawyer: ik what u wished

 

whipped: ik what u wished too

 

golden-retriever: I know what Regina wished!

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen hon we talked about this

 

whipped: you bitch u changed ur name

 

caddy-the-daddy: lmao suck it janis

 

golden-retriever: Eggplant emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats right karen!

 

golden-retriever: <3

 

caddy-the-daddy: toUCHED <33

 

anxiety™: HA! GAAAAYYYYYYYYY

 

caddy-the-daddy: bi*

 

whipped: nah caddy you said you were a "full fledged, plaid-wearing, lumberjack-looking, taco-loving useless lesbian"

 

caddy-the-daddy: blasphemy

 

whipped: literallylastnight.jpg

 

whipped: #exposed

 

caddy-the-daddy: BLASPHEMY

 

whipped: LET IT GO CADDY

 

h-chainsandwhips: What the fuck. I tried to ignore this forsaken group chat when it was first created and we argued over Neopets and Webkinz but honestly? I'm in the mood for lesbianism what's up.

 

v-sawyer: hi babe <3

 

h-chainsandwhips: ...

 

h-chainsandwhips: <3

 

whipped: WHIPPED

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yes, as it is part of my name.

 

caddy-the-daddy: AJSHFJAHSFJSHJFAGGSFDFASGD

 

anxiety™: omw the neopets

 

_webkinz vs. neopets_

 

_Monday 11:24 pm_

 

anxiety™: okay 1) this gc always seems to end on a gay interaction between regina and janis and b) we never answered neopets or webkinz

 

actualangel: We don't have??? Gay interactions????? I'm??? Straight????????

 

anxiety™: thats a straight up lie and everyone here knows it

 

actualangel: Lmao ik

 

actualangel: Also Webkinz.

 

anxiety™: same

 

too-gay-to-function: same

 

whipped: same

 

father-of-gays: Tag yourself I'm Regina's fake denial also same.

 

caddy-the-daddy: idk the difference but same

 

golden-retriever: Same!!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: :3

 

caddy-the-daddy: sHIT i didnt mean to send that aha ignore!!!!!

 

whipped: lmao bitch

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _and **whipped**_

 

_Monday 11:33 pm_

 

whipped: YOU LIKE KAREN

 

caddy-the-daddy: BITCH SHUT

 

whipped: CADDY AND KAREN SITTIN IN A TREE

 

caddy-the-daddy: FRICKIN DONT

 

whipped: K I S S I  N G

 

caddy-the-daddy: i dont like you

 

whipped: you used to ;)

 

caddy-the-daddy: I CHOKED I HATE YOU

 

whipped: lmao anyway

 

whipped: you should like??? totes go for karen???????

 

caddy-the-daddy: noooo janis i dont want things to be weird between us

 

whipped: then flirt with her

 

caddy-the-daddy: h o w janis

 

whipped: call her pretty

 

whipped: like not "damn girl youre hot" like those assholes do

 

whipped: she doesnt like that

 

whipped: be all "you look really nice today karen!" or "your hair looks really soft today karen!" or "oh my gosh karen i love your outfit!"

 

whipped: that makes her really happy and bubbly

 

caddy-the-daddy: how do you know?

 

whipped: karen likes to talk about crushes and love and she said that im the only one that really listens to her

 

whipped: besides u of course but she finds it more fun when youre talking crushes with someone who has a crush and she thinks you dont

 

caddy-the-daddy: oh

 

caddy-the-daddy: thanks janis!

 

whipped: anytime caddy <3

 

caddy-the-daddy: <3

 

_webkinz vs. neopets_

 

_Monday 11:50 pm_

 

whipped: dang you losers are so quiet smh im disappointed

 

actualangel: It's because everyone's asleep, darling. You should be too.

 

whipped: you care too much wtf

 

actualangel: Tis my job, sweetheart.

 

actualangel: Goodnight <3

 

whipped: gn <3

 

**_actualangel_ ** _has muted the conversation._

 

**_whipped_ ** _has changed their name to **doublewhipped**_

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Monday 11:55 pm_

 

anxiety™: badass.jpg

 

doublewhipped: screw you gretchen

 

anxiety™: lmao you wish ;P

 

caddy-the-daddy: nah we know who janis wishes she can screw lmao

 

doublewhipped: yeah and i know who wish you could screw caddy

 

anxiety™: oh my gosh who???

 

doublewhipped: bork bork

 

anxiety™: GASPU

 

v-sawyer: shut up and go to sleep

 

h-chainsandwhips: Ronnie unlock your window.

 

v-sawyer: ... gtg

 

caddy-the-daddy: JHDAGHDGAHSGDFHKJ

 

anxiety™: ^^^^

 

_**anxiety™** and  **caddy-the-daddy**_

 

_Tuesday 12:01 am_

 

anxiety™: i think we all know what bork bork means lets just hope she doesnt understand

 

caddy-the-daddy: frickin janis

 

anxiety™: okay no calm

 

anxiety™: everything is hopeful ;)

 

caddy-the-daddy: waIT REALLY??!?!?!?!

 

anxiety™: shh okay? just call her pretty and stuff and be sweet and eventually she wont help but tell you

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis said she likes being called pretty

 

anxiety™: yep do that and your name will suit you ;)

 

caddy-the-daddy: ajshhsashagfskja

 

caddy-the-daddy: thanks gretchen goodnight!!!

 

anxiety™: lmao no prob and goodnight! XD

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Tuesday 12:08 am_

 

golden-retriever: Wait so Cady wants to screw a dog?

 

caddy-the-daddy: no hon janis was just making a joke

 

golden-retriever: Would I understand it?

 

caddy-the-daddy: maybe later sweetheart

 

golden-retriever: Okay! Goodnight Cady I love you! Heart emoji x6!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: goodnight karen! i love you too! heart emoji x5 star emoji pink bow emoji violin emoji!

 

golden-retriever: Sunflower emoji! Bow and arrow emoji! Rainbow emoji!!

 

golden-retriever: Heart emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: heart emoji!

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has added **anxiety™** and  **doublewhipped**._

 

_**caddy-the-daddy** has named the chat "bork bork."  
_

 

_Tuesday 12:14 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: me: i cant wait to see how pretty youll look tomorrow!

karen: i cant wait either! you always look pretty! 

and the rainbow is obvious ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed! i couldnt resist posting another chapter i love these gays so much


	3. Stuff happens lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anxiety™: janis is gonna have a hotness overload and shell want to shove you against a wall and make out with you
> 
> actualangel: ...
> 
> actualangel: I wouldn't be opposed to that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i found a picture of taylor louderman in glasses and im????? here for it???

_We still wear pink on Wednesdays_

_Tuesday 1:43 am_

 

golden-retriever: Your rainbow flag emoji is showing Regina!

 

_Tuesday 6:22 am_

 

actualangel: Is it that bad?

 

golden-retriever: Nope! Smiley emoji!

 

golden-retriever: Also Cady said she couldn't wait to see how pretty I look today!

 

actualangel: Hhasjhfjagsfl really??

 

golden-retriever: Yes! I felt all bubbly inside! Like a bottle of Sprite!

 

actualangel: More like a bottle of Diet Coke after you put Mentos in it ;)

 

golden-retriever: I remember that project! Umbrella emoji!

 

anxiety™: yes karen it did go everywhere! im glad we had umbrellas lmao

 

actualangel: ^

 

golden-retriever: wouldcadylikeit.jpg

 

actualangel: Bitch you're so cute!! Cady's gonna know what she's missing out on.

 

anxiety™: omw karen if cady doesnt say anything to you today i will hang her up by her toes

 

golden-retriever: Frown emoji! Please don't Gretchen!

 

anxiety™: lmao dont worry i wont 

 

anxiety™: but i will hint towards how cute u look

 

actualangel: Me too omw

 

anxiety™: no regina your hinting would be like "call karen cute you ginger bitch"

 

actualangel: Lmao truuuuu

 

actualangel: wouldjanislikeit.jpg

 

anxiety™: janis is such a useless lesbian she would literally melt

 

golden-retriever: Yeah! Remember the time at your sleepover when you had just woken up and Janis was all rainbow flag emoji heart eyes emoji?

 

anxiety™: lmao i remember that and regina was all turned on by the huskiness of janis's voice and janis was all turned on by the huskiness of reginas voice

 

actualangel: How the fuck can you tell she was turned on?

 

anxiety™: bitch her face was REEEEEDDD-uh

 

actualangel: Really? I couldn't see her that well.

 

anxiety™: but u still couldnt see how she was REEEEEDDD-uh squared when you DID put your glasses on? she probs thinks those are the hottest things in the world

 

golden-retriever: Glasses emoji! Fire emoji! 

 

anxiety™: yeah basically

 

actualangel: Please she probably thinks they're ugly.

 

anxiety™: r u fuckin kidding me

 

anxiety™: binch ur hot in those glasses no homo

 

actualangel: Really?

 

golden-retriever: Uhm..... yes??

 

anxiety™: ^^

 

actualangel: Thanks guys! I'm gonna swap my contacts for glasses today.

 

anxiety™: janis is gonna have a hotness overload and shell want to shove you against a wall and make out with you

 

actualangel: ...

 

actualangel: I wouldn't be opposed to that...

 

golden-retriever: Rainbow flag emoji!

 

anxiety™: ^ same karen

 

_bork bork_

 

_Tuesday 6:37 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: wouldkarenlikeit.jpg

 

anxiety™: *moans* daddy~

 

doublewhipped: bitch what the fuck

 

doublewhipped: what the fuck

 

caddy-the-daddy: @anxiety™ blocked

 

anxiety™: u set urself up for that cady im not sorry

 

caddy-the-daddy: tru tho

 

doublewhipped: wouldreginalikeit.jpg

 

anxiety™: *moans* mommy~

 

doublewhipped: fucking blocked

 

**_doublewhipped_ ** _has changed **anxiety™** 's name to  **doubleblocked**_

 

doubleblocked: screw you janis

 

doublewhipped: you wish gretch ;)

 

caddy-the-daddy: oooooooo

 

doubleblocked: :/

 

doubleblocked: anyway you both look hot karen and regina will be q u a k i n g

 

caddy-the-daddy: :D

 

_webkinz vs. neopets_

 

_Tuesday 6:59 am_

 

doublewhipped: where the fuck we meeting bitches

 

actualangel: Wanna meet in the courtyard? Gretch, Karen, and I are gonna stop by Starbucks you want anything?

 

doublewhipped: ...

 

doublewhipped: iced white chocolate mocha pls <3

 

actualangel: Surprised you didn't order black but okay <3

 

caddy-the-daddy: i got my coffee already but can you pick up a strawberry cake pop please?

 

too-gay-to-function: iced coffee with milk

 

father-of-gays: Wth iced is so gross? Also plain black please.

 

actualangel: K we got the coffee and we're about five minutes away.

 

father-of-gays: How much do I owe you?

 

doublewhipped: nah i got yall

 

actualangel: No Janis it's perfectly fine! That's what friends do lmao.

 

caddy-the-daddy: holy shit u are an angel

 

doubleblocked: truth

 

doubleblocked: also were here im not texting while driving

 

too-gay-to-function: were in the courtyard and janis is at her sketching bench™ alone lmao

 

caddy-the-daddy: yeah she wouldnt let me sit with her :(

 

caddy-the-daddy: i feel betrAYED

 

father-of-gays: Wait I'm not there yet what's happening?

 

caddy-the-daddy: regina just plopped right down next to janis and janis hasnt???? done anything?????

 

actualangel: Yeah, she's really into her sketching rn and she hasn't looked at me yet.

 

golden-retriever: She needs to!

 

actualangel: Karen shut

 

golden-retriever: Kk!

 

too-gay-to-function: caddy whered you go?

 

caddy-the-daddy: i went to the english hall restroom lmao ill be back soon

 

too-gay-to-function: karen just disappeared wtf?? karen???

 

caddy-the-daddy: shes uh

 

caddy-the-daddy: shes here with me

 

_bork bork_

 

_Tuesday 7:24 am_

 

doubleblocked: get it cady!!!

 

_webkinz vs. neopets_

 

_Tuesday 7:24 am_

 

too-gay-to-function: right well aaron and i are gonna get to class ;)

 

doubleblocked: but we still have 35 minutes before school starts?

 

doubleblocked: OH HOLY SHIT WTF

 

too-gay-to-function: surprise! were dating!

 

doubleblocked: since fuckin when??

 

father-of-gays: Since the July 4th party. Damian confessed his feelings during the fireworks.

 

doubleblocked: so THATS where you guys went!?

 

too-gay-to-function: yes but gtg

 

**_too-gay-to-function_ ** _has muted the chat_

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _has muted the chat_

 

golden-retriever: Can you guys shut the fuck up?

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _has muted the chat_

 

doubleblocked: what the frickin frick

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Tuesday 1:19 pm_

 

doublewhipped: :3

 

doublewhipped: regina looks fuckin hot

 

doublewhipped: and shes wearing her glasses

 

doublewhipped: im gay

 

caddy-the-daddy: we fuckin know

 

v-sawyer: so any news so far?

 

h-chainsandwhips: I am here for the gay.

 

v-sawyer: were all here for the gay hon

 

h-macarena: mood

 

h-duck: mood

 

doublewhipped: she turned bright heckin red when i finally looked up from sketching and saw her

 

doubleblocked: you both were bright heckin red stupid

 

doubleblocked: also she stared at you the entire time you were sketching

 

doubleblocked: she was probs entranced by your concentration face ngl

 

v-sawyer: wait you mean to tell me that she s a t n e x t t o y o u

 

v-sawyer: and you didnt fuckIN LOOK UP AT HER UNTIL LATER?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

 

h-chainsandwhips: Janis you fucking idiot.

 

doublewhipped: i feel so attacked rn but yes

 

doublewhipped: i was really into my sketching i had an idea and i couldnt be distracted

 

v-sawyer: youre such a useless lesbian i swear

 

doublewhipped: fuck you

 

v-sawyer: thats incest :)

 

doublewhipped: blocked

 

_bork bork_

 

_Tuesday 4:16 pm_

 

doublewhipped: okay since its after school caddy wth were you and karen doing in that bathroom

 

doubleblocked: ^^

 

caddy-the-daddy: my name FUCKIN SUITS ME BITCHES

 

doubleblocked: YOURE KIDDING

 

caddy-the-daddy: HA YOU WISH AHSDJHDJHSF

 

caddy-the-daddy: i said she looked beautiful and she said thanks and that i looked beautiful too. she looked rlly nervous and was fiddling with her hands and i was like "karen whats up?" and she looked up at me and it looked like she was about to cry and i got rlly mad and i was like "i swear if someone hurt you i will shove a metal pole so far up their-" and she cut me off and said no one hurt her and so i grabbed her hands and asked her what was wrong and she took a deep breath and just

 

caddy-the-daddy: kissed me

 

doubleblocked: :O

 

caddy-the-daddy: and i was frozen of course and she pulled away and started to leave the bathroom but i turned her around and she was seriously crying but i put my hand on her cheek and kissed her

 

caddy-the-daddy: and at first she was really soft but then we got into it and she turned us around and pushed me towards the door and we made out against the bathroom door and im so fucking gay also shes such a top im

 

doubleblocked: OHMYGOSH IM SO HAPPY fOR YOU GUYS

 

doublewhipped: dang i wish regina would do that to me :/

 

doublewhipped: but also YAY CADDY!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: !!!!!

 

_We still wear pink on Wednesdays_

 

_Tuesday 4:53 pm_

 

golden-retriever: Guys I kissed Cady

 

golden-retriever: Well more like made out with

 

actualangel: BITCH YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!?!??!!!

 

golden-retriever: I kissed her and she didn't kiss back so I thought she didn't like me so  I turned to leave but she spun me around and kissed me and it was really soft! Then it got heated and I might've shoved her against the bathroom door and made out with her...

 

actualangel: That's like the longest text I've ever gotten from you? Does love do this to you??

 

golden-retriever: Yes!

 

doubleblocked: im SO HAPPY?????????

 

doubleblocked: are you guys officially girlfriends?

 

golden-retriever: Two girls holding hands emoji!

 

actualangel: Rainbow flag emoji!

 

doubleblocked: rainbow flag emoji bitches!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldnt resist updating again XD
> 
> hope yall enjoyed!


	4. Cady, Gretchen, and Karen do a thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> triple-whipped: reginas flirting with me????
> 
> v-sawyer: i fucking facepalmed you useless lesbian!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i change it so the whole thing in the musical happened their sophomore year? i think i can????
> 
> also this chapter is a fucking mess

_ webkinz vs. neopets _

 

_ Tuesday 4:57 pm _

 

doublewhipped: guys we need to rename this gc any suggestions?

 

too-gay-to-function: uhm....

 

doublewhipped: wait damian we need to T A L K

 

doublewhipped: why didnt you tell ME that youre DATING AARON?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

 

too-gay-to-function: yeet

 

**_too-gay-to-function_ ** _ has muted the chat _

 

doublewhipped: you little shit!

 

actualangel: Janis, calm down, honey. You can confront him in the morning in person. Then he can't yeet ;)

 

doublewhipped: ....... f i NE

 

caddy-the-daddy: whipped

 

golden-retriever: Rainbow flag emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats right babe!

 

caddy-the-daddy: oh also karen and i r girlfriends now

 

golden-retriever: <3

 

caddy-the-daddy: <3

 

doubleblocked: my children :3

 

doubleblocked: and also

 

**_doubleblocked_ ** _has changed **doublewhipped** 's name to  **triple-whipped**_

 

triple-whipped: yoU BITCH IM NOT WHIPPED

 

**_doubleblocked_ ** _has changed their name to **anxiety™**_

 

anxiety™: yes u r janis

 

actualangel: She's right

 

triple-whipped: well youre whipped too gina

 

actualangel: No I'm not.

 

triple-whipped: you are ;)

 

actualangel: I am.

 

anxiety™: just fucking get together already holy shit

 

triple-whipped: wat

 

actualangel: Gretch...

 

anxiety™: were all tired of your flirting! holy shit just date already what the fuck

 

_**actualangel** has left the conversation_

 

triple-whipped: gretchen what the hell!?

 

anxiety™: shit janis im sorry

 

anxiety™: i just

 

anxiety™: shit

 

triple-whipped: no its fine

 

caddy-the-daddy: you both are idiots

 

caddy-the-daddy: first, janis is to fucking blind to see regina is indeed flirting with her

 

triple-whipped: she is?

 

caddy-the-daddy: hold on

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Tuesday 5:23 pm_

 

caddy-the-daddy: tocatchyouup.jpg 

 

v-sawyer: what the actual

 

caddy-the-daddy: janisisfuckingdense.jpg

 

v-sawyer: what the ACTUAL?!?!?!?

 

h-chainsandwhips: You and Regina are fucking idiots, Janis.

 

h-macarena: Don't worry about all this Gretchen! It was a mistake and I might've let it slip to Heather that Ronnie liked her.

 

h-duck: lmao i remember that! veronica was so mad at you lmao

 

h-macarena: But she isn't anymore!

 

v-sawyer: yeah i couldnt stay mad at you heather <3

 

h-macarena: <3

 

h-chainsandwhips: Excuse you?

 

v-sawyer: babe u know heather is the golden retriever of the group chill

 

anxiety™: wait who is heather?

 

h-chainsandhips: Me

 

h-macarena: Me

 

h-duck: also me

 

anxiety™: what the fuck

 

golden-retriever: Heather Macarena is a dog?

 

caddy-the-daddy: no babe shes pure like you

 

h-macarena: Also my last name is actually "McNamara"

 

golden-retriever: That makes sense! Smiley emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats my girlfriend :3

 

golden-retriever: Heart emoji x4!

 

caddy-the-daddy: heart emoji x4

 

h-macarena: The ship hath sailed!!

 

h-duck: is no one questioning that karen types out the emojis???

 

caddy-the-daddy: hush duck

 

h-duck: :/

 

triple-whipped: guys?!

 

triple-whipped: reginas flirting with me????

 

v-sawyer: i fucking facepalmed you useless lesbian!

 

triple-whipped: shes probably just being friendly guys!

 

caddy-the-daddy: FUCKING

 

anxiety™: ^^^^^^

 

_bork bork_

 

_Tuesday 5:48 pm_

 

caddy-the-daddy: this is for your own fucking good janis

 

triple-whipped: what?

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has added **actualangel** to the chat_

 

triple-whipped: shit

 

anxiety™: guys im sorry

 

caddy-the-daddy: gretchen shhhhh

 

actualangel: I scrolled up because I'm nosy and I agree with Gretchen I was quaking when I saw Janis.

 

**_triple-whipped_ ** _has left the conversation_

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has added **triple-whipped** to the chat_

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis i fucking swear

 

_**caddy-the-daddy** _ _has added **golden-retriever** to the chat_

 

caddy-the-daddy: we need to talk you two

 

golden-retriever: Hi guys!

 

caddy-the-daddy: hi babe!!

 

anxiety™: listen you little shits (janis and regina)

 

anxiety™: just talk to each other!

 

caddy-the-daddy: its not fucking hard! i mean karen just kissed me out of nowhere!

 

actualangel: You don't get it.

 

**_actualangel_ ** _has removed **triple-whipped** from the conversation_

 

actualangel: Janis doesn't fully trust me. I mean, yeah, we made up at the end of sophomore year, but I ruined her life. I've apologized to her greatly almost every day, but I don't think she's fully forgiven me. She won't just trust me with her heart again.

 

anxiety™: again?

 

actualangel: Yeah, um, we kinda had a thing before I called her a space dyke. I was scared that people would find out and hate me. It doesn't excuse my behavior, but damnit I wish I could just take that whole space dyke mess back.

 

caddy-the-daddy: she never stopped liking you, you know

 

actualangel: Wait really?

 

caddy-the-daddy: you both are so fucking dense i swear

 

anxiety™: ^^^

 

actualangel: Why didn't she stop? I mean, I ruined her fucking life!

 

caddy-the-daddy: you hurt her, but she understood that you had to

 

actualangel: She did?

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis told me that she saw the way you looked at her as she left when her parents pulled her out and she just knew you had to

 

caddy-the-daddy: lets just say janis likes to spill her guts when you get her drunk off chocolate

 

actualangel: I know, that's how I found out she liked me when we were kids.

 

caddy-the-daddy: go talk to her regina

 

actualangel: She's probably asleep though

 

caddy-the-daddy: its only eight????

 

golden-retriever: She's painting!

 

caddy-the-daddy: how do you know?

 

golden-retriever: Lipstick emoji! Bear emoji! Backpack emoji! Map emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE AT HER HOUSE

 

golden-retriever: Siren emoji! Bowling emoji! Snowman emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: babe why didnt you tell me you figured she needed someone to talk to and that you were coming over?

 

actualangel: Karen is surprisingly really good to vent to. She's very encouraging

 

golden-retriever: Poodle emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: youve been READING EVERYTHING TO HER?!

 

golden-retriever: Please don't hate me!

 

caddy-the-daddy: babe i couldnt

 

golden-retriever: She's crying. Lizard emoji! Star emoji! Pancake emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes of course! regina karen wants me to drop u off at janis's house and pick karen up

 

actualangel: Yes Cady please.

 

caddy-the-daddy: hey karen?

 

golden-retriever: Yes?

 

caddy-the-daddy: can you tell janis that when regina was high on pain meds she told me her name woulda been reginald?

 

golden-retriever: Okay!

 

caddy-the-daddy: thanks babe! also ive picked up regina

 

_**golden-retriever** has added  **triple-whipped** to the conversation_

 

triple-whipped: dont you mean reginald?

 

triple-whipped: wait what do you mean youre coming over

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _has removed **triple-whipped** from the conversation_

 

actualangel: Karen tell Janis that Cady said not to yell at her girlfriend!

 

golden-retriever: Fine.

 

actualangel: Cady said "whipped"

 

golden-retriever: You know now's not the time for joking Caddy

 

actualangel: Hold on Cady's talking too fast for me to type let me use voice-to-text.

 

actualangel: Janis Barrett Sarkisian if you don't tell this fucking bitch in my car that you love her dearly I will wait what do you mean fucking bitch? Regina now's not the time it is the time Cady do you know how fucking nervous I am right now I mean Regina I cannot concentrate on driving with you screaming at me now I'm getting nervous Cady just rant to Janis I don't care right now! Fine! Okay Janis Barrett Sarkisian if you can spill your guts to me about Regina then you can spill your guts to Regina about Regina you useless lesbian!

 

golden-retriever: What the fuck

 

golden-retriever: Wait hold on

 

golden-retriever: what the fuck (i turned karens capilization off lmao)

 

actualangel: Cady said to not mess with her girlfriend's phone

 

golden-retriever: too late bitch

 

golden-retriever: hi its karen! janis is shaking. i dont think you should talk about crushes with her regina

 

actualangel: "Fine! But I'm still dropping Regina off!"

 

golden-retriever: janis said shes okay with that

 

actualangel: We just pulled into the driveway.

 

caddy-the-daddy: time for the old switcharoo

 

caddy-the-daddy: okay i have karen now. you guys gonna be okay?

 

actualangel: Yes, I'm sure we'll be fine!

 

caddy-the-daddy: give us updates!

 

anxiety™: what did i miss?

 

caddy-the-daddy: scroll up

 

anxiety™: what the fuck

 

_Wednesday 2:13 am_

 

actualangel: Okay, Janis finally fell asleep.

 

caddy-the-daddy: what happened?

 

actualangel: Okay one, go the fuck to sleep

 

caddy-the-daddy: whats two?

 

actualangel: I came in and she was painting and acted like nothing had happened. It took about an hour for me to get her to break and talk to me. She apologized for being so dense and told me that you were right and that she did know why I pulled what I pulled. To try and cheer up the mood, I reminded her of the whole Reginald thing and she smiled and called me Reginald for like an hour whenever she addressed me. Anyway, we decided to watch a movie and that turned into two movies. I'm glad i brought clothes and stuff over because shes now asleep on top of me and I don't wanna leave.

 

actualangel: thisgirl.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: liek if you crie everytiem

 

caddy-the-daddy: mygirl.jpg

 

actualangel: You both are too cute

 

caddy-the-daddy: i could say the same about you two ;)

 

actualangel: You know what? I think I'm going to tell her how I feel without the pressure of you three (more like two since Karen was just dragged along)

 

caddy-the-daddy: you go regina

 

actualangel: No one tell her please? I want it to be sincere and kinda a surprise

 

caddy-the-daddy: of course

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Wednesday 2:28 am_

 

triple-whipped: hey its regina on janis's phone. shes asleep rn and i just want to ask (bc i know her cousin is on this chat) does janis like being told someone likes her in a big way with flowers or in a small way?

 

v-sawyer: youre the only one who has confessed to having feelings while having feelings for her so i dont know??

 

triple-whipped: what do you mean "confessed while having feelings"

 

caddy-the-daddy: i used to like janis but then i really got to know karen and then i started having feelings for her. i told janis about a month after i started liking karen. janis understood (mostly bc she was the first person i met besides damian and yeah)

 

triple-whipped: huh thats v interesting

 

v-sawyer: wait hold on i have a question

 

triple-whipped: yes?

 

v-sawywer: did you and janis kiss when you were kids?

 

triple-whipped: actually no

 

v-sawyer: the little shit hasnt lost her first kiss

 

v-sawyer: k i s s h e r

 

triple-whipped: i couldnt. i dont want to overstep any boundaries

 

v-sawyer: she doesnt have boundaries around you

 

v-sawyer: you could literally shove her against lockers and make out with her in front of everyone and shed be perfectly fine

 

triple-whipped: really?

 

v-sawyer: yep. you could also start finger fucking her then and there and she wouldnt care

 

triple-whipped: i just fucking squealjsdkjfhdkjhgasjgaasfhkfkah

 

**_v-sawyer_ ** _has deleted the chat history_

 

triple-whipped: regina just woke me up because she squealed so fucking loud and now shes red and sitting on the opposite side of the couch??????

 

triple-whipped: veronica what did you do?

 

v-sawyer: dont wory about it j just go back to sleep

 

triple-whipped: :/

 

triple-whipped: can someone text regina and tell her to cuddle me? i dont wanna ask her directly...

 

caddy-the-daddy: on it

 

_bork bork_

 

_Wednesday 3:05 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: snuggle with janis you little shit she wants u

 

actualangel: We're in her room rn

 

caddy-the-daddy: use protection!

 

actualangel: Not LIKE THAT

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Wednesday 3:07 am_

 

triple-whipped: she just threw her phone across my room?

 

caddy-the-daddy: oops

 

v-sawyer: ooooo you moved to your room?

 

v-sawyer: use protection ;)

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats what i said!

 

triple-whipped: now i know why she threw her phone

 

triple-whipped: also she fell asleep right as her head hit the pillow and shes???? so cute?????

 

triple-whipped: littlespoon.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: :333333333

 

v-sawyer: goodnight lesbians!

 

_We still wear pink on Wednesdays_

 

_Wednesday 6:47 am_

 

actualangel: Janis is so cute I'm

 

actualangel: shesthebigspoon.jpg

 

anxiety™: you two are FUCKING SPOONING

 

actualangel: Yes and I don't want to wake her up

 

anxiety™: we have school you have to

 

anxiety™: also its pink day

 

actualangel: I kissed her on the forehead and let me tell you I melted when her eyes fluttered open

 

actualangel: She's currently in the shower and huhhhhhh I really wanna go in with her

 

anxiety™: she doesnt have boundaries around you ;)

 

actualangel: You saw that?!

 

anxiety™: lmao yeah i was just too tired to type

 

actualangel: I think she forgot I was here because she just walked out in nothing but a towel

 

actualangel: howreddoilook.jpg

 

anxiety™: REEEEEDDD-uh

 

actualangel: Ohhhkay well while shes getting dressed in the bathroom I'm gonna get dressed

 

anxiety™: glhf

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Wednesday 7:09 am_

 

triple-whipped: guys i just walked in on regina getting changed fuck fuck fuck

 

triple-whipped: and earlier i walked out in a towel

 

triple-whipped: wrapped around my FUCKING WAIST

 

_We still wear pink on Wednesdays_

 

_Wednesday 7:10 am_

 

anxiety™: YOU DIDNT TELL ME SHE ONLY HAD THE TOWEL AROUND HER WAIST

 

actualangel: I didn't know it mattered?

 

anxiety™: also she walked in on you getting changed

 

actualangel: I thought I heard a gasp as I was putting my shirt on

 

anxiety™: you guys r so useless i swear

 

_useless lesbians_

 

_Wednesday 7:13 am_

 

anxiety™: good news janis she didnt notice u walked in on her

 

anxiety™: but she did notice you in the towel

 

triple-whipped: damnit this car ride is gonna be awkward fml

 

v-sawyer: good luck loser

 

_webkinz vs. neopets_

 

_Wednesday 7:27 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen and i are either gonna be late or not come because shes still asleep

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has added **actualangel** to the conversation_

 

caddy-the-daddy: you cant escape

 

too-gay-to-function: okay give me the 411 on what happened between regina and janis

 

caddy-the-daddy: regina spent the night at janis's house after a long discussion between us and regina but nothing happened

 

caddy-the-daddy: besides the fact that janis forgot regina was at her house and walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her waist :)

 

too-gay-to-function: oh my goodness

 

too-gay-to-function: janis barrett sarkisian no offense but youre an idiot

 

triple-whipped: none taken

 

triple-whipped: also we need to talk about your fucking boyfriend

 

_bork bork_

 

_Wednesday 7:43 am_

 

actualangel: So we're driving and Janis's sleeve moves up a tad and I see a pink bracelet?

 

caddy-the-daddy: shes been wearing that bracelet every wednesday for years

 

actualangel: I know. It's the bracelet I gave her when I made up the "on Wednesdays we wear pink" rule in middle school. I can't believe she (1) still has it and (2) wore it every Wednesday.

 

caddy-the-daddy: told you she never stopped liking you

 

actualangel: Shit I have to tell her

 

caddy-the-daddy: yep

 

 


	5. Karen does a music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> too-gay-to-function: worldburn.wav
> 
> triple-whipped: huhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> triple-whipped: im gAY
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: WE KNOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> karen is lowkey smart tho
> 
> hope you enjoy!

_ webkinz vs. neopets _

 

_ Wednesday 12:45 pm _

 

too-gay-to-function: janis is pissed that i didnt tell her about aaron so were ditching school after her art period who wants to come

 

father-of-gays: Why don't we ditch rn?

 

too-gay-to-function: because art, darling

 

father-of-gays: Okay truth.

 

caddy-the-daddy: can yall come over to my house? karen and i are chillin and dont wanna go to school

 

father-of-gays: Who the fuck taught you "y'all"

 

anxiety™: language

 

father-of-gays: Sorry

 

father-of-gays: WHOMST the fuck taught you "y'all"

 

caddy-the-daddy: damian and janis

 

father-of-gays: Disappointed but not surprised.

 

golden-retriever: guys!

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen has been talking about this for two fucking hours

 

golden-retriever: i wrote music!

 

golden-retriever: revengeparty.wav

 

too-gay-to-function: WHAT THE FUCK THAT SO GOOD HOLY HECK

 

golden-retriever: thank you!! i like to do music because it helps me transfer all my thoughts into everything

 

golden-retriever: and i wanted to write songs based on what happened sophomore year!

 

golden-retriever: im hoping to hand it all over to mr duvall and ask to present it

 

too-gay-to-function: that way the freshmen can know what happened oh my word!

 

too-gay-to-function: its perfect karen!

 

golden-retriever: thank you!

 

father-of-gays: I finally got out of class and I listened to Revenge Party and oh my fuck! Are there lyrics?

 

caddy-the-daddy: karensingingrevengeparty.mov

 

father-of-gays: I??? Love it??

 

golden-retriever: its when janis and damian were planning to ruin reginas life!

 

too-gay-to-function: i could tell! its amazing karen!

 

golden-retriever: thank you!! i can give you guys all the music and lyrics when you guys come over

 

father-of-gays: I'd love that! 

 

caddy-the-daddy: i read through the script and the whole love triangle is exaggerated

 

caddy-the-daddy: also aaron and i get together at the end XD

 

golden-retriever: sorry! i dont know what i was thinking!

 

caddy-the-daddy: no babe its okay! we can explain to the freshmen at the end that aaron is actually gay and we only kissed bc we were in the moment

 

father-of-gays: Platonic kiss 

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes!

 

golden-retriever: please dont platonic kiss outside of the musical

 

caddy-the-daddy: babe we wont

 

triple-whipped: what the fuck did i miss bitches

 

triple-whipped: going over to caddys house? awes

 

triple-whipped: itswednesdaymydudes.jpg

 

too-gay-to-function: ARE YOU KISSING REGINA!?!?!?!!?!??

 

triple-whipped: *finger guns*

 

too-gay-to-function: HOLY???? SHIT???????????????

 

triple-whipped: ya she told me she liked me while i was painting and i kissed her :3

 

actualangel: Janis is my bae

 

triple-whipped: lit

 

too-gay-to-function: regina what did you fucking do to my platonic soulmate???? she hates the word lit

 

actualangel: I think she's drunk

 

actualangel: "Drunk off your love, darling" - Janis Sarkisian 2k18

 

father-of-gays: I'm happy for you two! It's about time you got (back) together!

 

anxiety™: rt

 

caddy-the-daddy: rt

 

too-gay-to-function: rt

 

actualangel: Rt

 

actualangel: Also we're leaving the school

 

too-gay-to-function: reginaandjanislookingayinthecar.jpg

 

actualangel: damianandaaronintheircarwithgretchenthirdwheeling.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: gretchen is actually me with her face pressed up against the window

 

anxiety™: im having sooooooooo much fun :/ :\

 

father-of-gays: Damian is singing and Gretchen looks like she wants to tear her ears out

 

father-of-gays: gretchendying.mov

 

actualangel: Tag yourself I'm Damian

 

actualangel: "And I'm Gretchen" - Janis

 

caddy-the-daddy: damian aaron and gretchen are at my house where r yall

 

actualangel: Janis wanted McDonald's

 

caddy-the-daddy: iconic

 

father-of-gays: rt

 

anxiety™: mood

 

too-gay-to-function: big mood

 

actualangel: Okay we're here. Time for some music!

 

_ webkinz vs. neopets _

 

_ Wednesday 7:27 pm _

 

triple-whipped: that was??? so good????

 

too-gay-to-function: ikr? especially for a first read through!

 

triple-whipped: i am in love with world burn

 

caddy-the-daddy: you looked ready to pounce on regina when she sang it

 

triple-whipped: karen you are an absolute genius!!

 

golden-retriever: thank you!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats my girlfriend yall

 

anxiety™: whats wrong with me is?????? perfection?????

 

triple-whipped: you were so ready to cry i felt so bad

 

triple-whipped: is that how you actually felt?

 

anxiety™: yes but thats in the past and i dont feel it anymore!

 

triple-whipped: thats good!

 

actualangel: I was ready to pounce on Janis during Someone Gets Hurt (reprise) and I'd Rather be Me

 

triple-whipped: uhh

 

caddy-the-daddy: 99.9% sure shes blushing

 

too-gay-to-function: she is

 

triple-whipped: shut

 

triple-whipped: your face

 

actualangel: I wish I didn't have to go home!!!

 

triple-whipped: :( 

 

golden-retriever: cady come back you forgot your usb!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: coming babe

 

triple-whipped: gross

 

caddy-the-daddy: homophobia

 

anxiety™: you know what i just fucking realized?

 

too-gay-to-function: what?

 

anxiety™: everyone here has a fucking girlfriend or boyfriend and im??????????

 

anxiety™: THIS is homophobia

 

caddy-the-daddy: i have a plan. time for the boys to meet ohioans

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _ has created a chat _

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _ has added  _ **_golden-retriever, anxiety™, too-gay-to-function, father-of-gays, actualangel, triple-whipped, v-sawyer, h-macarena, h-chainsandwhips,_ ** _ and  _ **_h-duck_ **

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _ has named the chat  _ **_losers_ **

 

caddy-the-daddy: whats up losers

 

v-sawyer: hi im veronica sawyer and im janis's cousin

 

v-sawyer: cousins.jpg

 

father-of-gays: YOU LOOK????? EXACTLY ALIKE????

 

v-sawyer: yeppers

 

h-chainsandwhips: Hello, I'm Heather Chandler. I've been told I am like Regina George in that I'm a bitch and the queen bee.

 

v-sawyer: shes only a little bit of a bitch now that shes dating me :3

 

father-of-gays: Wait so you're saying that dating a queen bee runs in the family?

 

v-sawyer: yep

 

h-macarena: Hi!! I'm Heather McNamara and I'm the golden retriever! Also Heather Duke is my girlfriend!!

 

h-duck: im heather duke

 

father-of-gays: You're all named Heather?

 

too-gay-to-function: confusing, isnt it?

 

h-duck: DAMIAN!!!

 

too-gay-to-function: HEATHER!!!

 

father-of-gays: ??

 

too-gay-to-function: ive met all the heathers and they love me (especially duke bc we both like musicals)

 

h-duck: WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?!?!?!??

 

too-gay-to-function: im hoping to come with janis for thanksgiving!

 

h-duck: yay!

 

caddy-the-daddy: do you guys know any single lesbians or bi girls?

 

v-sawyer: i thought you had karen?

 

caddy-the-daddy: no i meant for gretchen

 

anxiety™: guys it was a joke i dont care

 

caddy-the-daddy: really?

 

anxiety™: yes lmao

 

caddy-the-daddy: oh.. well this is awkward

 

v-sawyer: oof well at least we can all talk to each other lmao

 

v-sawyer: wait hold on i need to add the straights™

 

**_v-sawyer_ ** _ has added  _ **_marthathemom_ ** _ and  _ **_slutforslush_ ** _ to the conversation _

 

v-sawyer: wassup heteros

 

slutforslush: wassup homos

 

golden-retriever: bi*

 

slutforslush: oops sorry

 

slutforslush: wassup homos and bi

 

golden-retriever: smiley emoji!

 

slutforslush: ??

 

caddy-the-daddy: she types out emojis

 

slutforslush: strange but cool

 

v-sawyer: you guys know my cousin janis but others!!

 

slutforslush: im jd and im a slut for slushies

 

father-of-gays: I'm Aaron and I'm one of the dads

 

too-gay-to-function: im damian and im the other dad

 

caddy-the-daddy: im cady (janis and damian call me caddy) and im from africa! i moved to chicago last year

 

golden-retriever: im karen i may not be smart

 

caddy-the-daddy: wait for it

 

golden-retriever: thats it

 

golden-retriever: also i write music

 

slutforslush: impressive

 

triple-whipped: its veronicas cousin yall

 

marthathemom: Hi Janis!

 

triple-whipped: wassup dunnstock? hows my favorite hetero?

 

slutforslush: hurt

 

marthathemom: I'm great! Also my name is my introduction basically

 

actualangel: I thought I was your favorite hetero???

 

triple-whipped: babe youre a lesbin

 

actualangel: lesbin

 

anxiety™: lesbin

 

anxiety™: also im gretchen and im a nervous wreck but i can have fun!

 

actualangel: My name is Regina George

 

triple-whipped: pls dnt

 

actualangel: And I am a massive deal

 

triple-whipped: karen wrote a musical about the crap that happened last year and we got to read it all today and reginas obsessed

 

too-gay-to-function: worldburn.wav

 

triple-whipped: huhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH

 

triple-whipped: im gAY

 

caddy-the-daddy: WE KNOW

 

too-gay-to-function: to be fair im gay but that turns me on

 

father-of-gays: Same

 

triple-whipped: back off my fuckin girlfirned

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _ has changed  _ **_actualangel_ ** _ 's name to  _ **_fucking-girlfirned_ **

 

fucking-girlfirned: Fuck you

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _ has changed  _ **_triple-whipped_ ** _ 's name to  _ **_lesbin_ **

 

lesbin: fuck you aaron

 

father-of-gays: Nah, go ahead and fuck Regina

 

v-sawyer: wait??? did i miss something??

 

lesbin: oh yeah regina told me she liked me and kissed me

 

v-sawyer: YOU DIDNT TELL ME??!!

 

lesbin: im telling you now arent i?

 

v-sawyer: i hate u

 

lesbin: its okay i hate myself too

 

fucking-girlfirned: Welp it's late goodnight losers

 

too-gay-to-function: night

 

lesbin: night babe

 

v-sawyer: bc the heathers r at a party, imma say gn on their behalf

 

caddy-the-daddy: gn

 

golden-retriever: goodnight!

 

**_lesbin_ ** _ and  _ **_fucking-girlfirned_ **

 

_ Wednesday 11:57 pm _

 

lesbin: goodnight doll ;) <3

 

fucking-girlfirned: I'm glad I told you

 

lesbin: im glad too

 

fucking-girlfirned: Also I saw your bracelet

 

lesbin: the pink one?

 

fucking-girlfirned: The one I gave you when we first got together and I made up the pink rule...

 

lesbin: yeah ive worn it every wednesday since you gave it to me

 

fucking-girlfirned: You never gave up on me

 

lesbin: never

 

fucking-girlfirned: Would it be too early if I said "I love you"?

 

lesbin: if you feel it, say it

 

fucking-girlfirned: I love you

 

lesbin: i love you too

 

lesbin: sweet dreams, sweetheart <3

 

fucking-girlfirned: sweet dreams <3


	6. Your daughter calls me "daddy" too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caddy-the-daddy: fuckin gay
> 
> lesbin: says the girl who says "thats my girlfriend" every time karen says something
> 
> golden-retriever: shes not wrong
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: thats my gf guys
> 
> lesbin: point. proven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> janis is lowkey kinky as heck (and regina is loving it)

_ webkinz vs. neopets _

_ 8:42 am _

 

caddy-the-daddy: quICK MOMMY OR DADDY

 

fucking-girlfirned: Mommy

 

too-gay-to-function: daddy

 

father-of-gays: Daddy

 

golden-retriever: mommy

 

anxiety™: mommy

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis?

 

lesbin: wot

 

caddy-the-daddy: daddy or mommy?

 

lesbin: uhm idk

 

fucking-girlfirned: She's daddy ;)

 

lesbin: baaaaaaabe you dont have to say it

 

fucking-girlfirned: Well Cady asked...

 

lesbin: ur such a bitch sometimes you know that?

 

fucking-girlfirned: Don't act like it doesn't turn you on ;)

 

anxiety™: #janishasameankink2k18

 

fucking-girlfirned: #janisalsohasadaddykink2k18

 

lesbin: fuck you regina

 

fucking-girlfirned: Sure!

 

**_fucking-girlfirned_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_janis's-mommy_ **

 

lesbin: not opposed

 

caddy-the-daddy: fuckin gay

 

lesbin: says the girl who says "thats my girlfriend" every time karen says something

 

golden-retriever: shes not wrong

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats my gf guys

 

lesbin: point. proven.

 

caddy-the-daddy: what r u gonna gain from it?

 

janis's-mommy: Special time with mommy

 

caddy-the-daddy: ashgdhasf

 

lesbin: :/

 

father-of-gays: Gay

 

too-gay-to-function: gay

 

lesbin: gay is in both of your fucking names so shut your faces

 

anxiety™: nobody gonna point out that regina and janis have been together for over a week and theyre already calling each other mommy and daddy?

 

janis's-mommy: To be fair, Cady's been calling herself daddy since before she and Karen got together

 

caddy-the-daddy: lmao truth

 

anxiety™: i bet they know each others kinks

 

janis's-mommy: We do ;)

 

lesbin: shut

 

lesbin: ur face

 

janis's-mommy: Nah

 

lesbin: k

 

caddy-the-daddy: whipped

 

anxiety™: whipped

 

too-gay-to-function: whipped

 

caddy-the-daddy: okay guys im at karens house and she showed me her music room and?????

 

caddy-the-daddy: suchinstrumentsmuchwow.jpg

 

lesbin: DEAD MEME

 

caddy-the-daddy: I WAS IN AFRICA LET ME LIVE MY LIFE

 

lesbin: NO

 

lesbin: but that room has more instruments than a band

 

janis's-mommy: Agreed

 

anxiety™: guys thats my guitar in the right hand corner!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: its yours? you play?

 

anxiety™: yeah i left it the last time i was at her house and yes i do lmao

 

golden-retriever: gretchen played the guitar part in cautionary tale

 

caddy-the-daddy: really?

 

anxiety™: lmao yeah 

 

anxiety™: i didnt know it was for a musical tho

 

lesbin: sneak 100

 

lesbin: you know what fuckin bothers me

 

anxiety™: what

 

lesbin: wait hold on

 

_losers_

_10:24 am_

 

lesbin: you know what fuckin bothers me

 

anxiety™: what

 

h-chainsandwhips: What?

 

lesbin: people act like dead memes dont exist but like ???? teenagers still use them ??????

 

v-sawyer: :O

 

anxiety™: you were literally getting on cadys ass bc she used a doge meme

 

lesbin: but doge is ??? unfunny ??????

 

caddy-the-daddy: blocked

 

lesbin: ok sure

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has removed **lesbin** from the conversation_

 

janis's-mommy: "FUCKING BITCH!!" - my girlfriend

 

caddy-the-daddy: no regerts

 

**_janis's-mommy_ ** _has added **lesbin** to the conversation_

 

caddy-the-daddy: one regert

 

lesbin: i helped u caddy and this is how u repay me

 

caddy-the-daddy: u had me ruin your girlfriends life you fucking bafoon

 

caddy-the-daddy: revengeparty.wav

 

lesbin: to be fair she did buy u heels to make fun of u

 

janis's-mommy: That wasn't my true intention!!

 

lesbin: then fucking what was

 

janis's-mommy: To lift her butt

 

v-sawyer: im so fucking confused

 

v-sawyer: janis y dont u and regina just talk to each other?? i mean im guessing yall are together??????

 

lesbin: lamo we are shes just on vocal rest

 

v-sawyer: lamo

 

caddy-the-daddy: lamo

 

slutforslush: laughing ass my off

 

lesbin: fuck u jd

 

slutforslush: this is?? heterophobia????

 

janis's-mommy: laughing ass my off

 

lesbin: regina is laughing ass her off rn

 

lesbin: reginasdying.mov

 

caddy-the-daddy: bout time she died smh jkjk

 

anxiety™: she cant die shes invincible

 

golden-retriever: rt

 

lesbin: rt

 

caddy-the-daddy: rt

 

too-gay-to-function: R T 

 

janis's-mommy: Rt

 

lesbin: andthatshowreginageorgedied.mov

 

too-gay-to-function: once again no one died

 

lesbin: guys i think reginas high bc she hasnt stopped laughing for like five minutes ????

 

v-sawyer: kiss her to shut her up

 

h-chainsandwhips: Works on me

 

golden-retriever: regina youre on vocal rest!! angry emoji!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: baby open the door im on your porch

 

golden-retriever: smiley emoji!

 

father-of-gays: *gags*

 

caddy-the-daddy: homophobia

 

caddy-the-daddy: lookatherface.mov

 

v-sawyer: babe why dont u look at me like that when we see each other

 

h-chainsandwhips: I only know one emotion and that is hate

 

v-sawyer: baaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~~

 

h-chainsandwhips: I only know two emotions and those are hate and disgust

 

v-sawyer: :'(

 

v-sawyer: babe ily

 

h-chainsandwhips: I only know three emotions and those are hate, disgust, and love

 

v-sawyer: :DDDDDDDDD

 

father-of-gays: *gags harder*

 

v-sawyer: thats homophobia hetero

 

father-of-gays: Janis 2.0 I'm gay

 

v-sawyer: im older than janis

 

father-of-gays: Oops sorry

 

father-of-gays: Janis 1.0 I'm gay

 

v-sawyer: much better

 

h-chainsandwhips: Veronica the Heathers and I are at the mall where are you?

 

v-sawyer: shiT I FORGOT

 

h-chainsandwhips: You absolute thot

 

v-sawyer: homophobia

 

h-chainsandwhips: Stop texting me and come to the mall

 

v-sawyer: kk love

 

father-of-gays: Tag yourself I'm "you absolute thot"

 

anxiety™: im "homophobia"

 

lesbin: im gay

 

lesbin: also where the fuck is damian

 

father-of-gays: hehasntstoppedsinging.mov

 

lesbin: lmao suffer

 

father-of-gays: Hurt

 

_webkinz vs. neopets_

_12:59 pm_

 

too-gay-to-function: wait okay i wanna do a thing

 

father-of-gays: Thank God he stopped

 

too-gay-to-function: ... anyway

 

too-gay-to-function: lesbians, what is your wisdon

 

janis's-mommy: World cold and hard, tiddy warm and soft

 

anxiety™: girl hot

 

lesbin: watch naruto

 

too-gay-to-function: thank u for coming to my TED talk

 

too-gay-to-function: also

 

**_too-gay-to-function_ ** _has renamed the chat " **musical** "_

 

lesbin: how original damian

 

too-gay-to-function: name it something better then

 

lesbin: k

 

**_lesbin_ ** _has renamed the chat " **regina calls me daddy** "_

 

too-gay-to-function: what the fuck janis

 

lesbin: its better

 

janis's-mommy: Agreed

 

caddy-the-daddy: agreed

 

father-of-gays: Agreed

 

too-gay-to-function: babe no

 

lesbin: top 10 anime betrayals

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis at the beginning of sophomore year: yes sir ill have your daughter home by 8

janis now, one year later: your daughter calls me daddy too

 

lesbin: rt

 

janis's-mommy: Rt

 

caddy-the-daddy: i would do the same thing with regina and mommy but janis's mom isnt here

 

lesbin: no go ahead

 

caddy-the-daddy: u sure?

 

lesbin: ye go ahead she died eight years ago and she was a maaaaajor homophobe and woulda disowned me by now so idrc

 

caddy-the-daddy: okay

 

caddy-the-daddy: regina at age eight: yes maam ill have your daughter home by 8

regina now: *at janis's mom's grave* your daughter calls me mommy too

 

lesbin: i spit out my fuckING WATER

 

anxiety™: regina would totally do that

 

janis's-mommy: I would

 

lesbin: lowkey wanna see that tho

 

golden-retriever: newoutfit.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: YES BABE YOU ROCK THAT VEST!!!! HEART EYES EMOJI X14

 

caddy-the-daddy: LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND GUYS AINT SHE THE CUTEST

 

anxiety™: dont u mean gays*

 

golden-retriever: im bi

 

caddy-the-daddy: yeah gretchen

 

anxiety™: still works

 

caddy-the-daddy: tru

 

lesbin: u havent seen my girlfriend

 

lesbin: lookathersmileandshinyeyes.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: you look like a fucking dork in the back

 

caddy-the-daddy: wtf are u even doing

 

lesbin: talking

 

janis's-mommy: Y'all haven't seen my girlfriend

 

janis's-mommy: theloveinhereyes.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: the way she looks at you holy shit

 

lesbin: shut

 

anxiety™: janis is whipped™

 

janis's-mommy: Yeah she is

 

lesbin: shut ur face

 

janis's-mommy: I'll only shut my face when you're kissing me

 

lesbin: then get off your phone and kiss me

 

janis's-mommy: Okie

 

anxiety™: yall wanna see my girlfriend?

 

caddy-the-daddy: :O YES

 

anxiety™: ashley.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats your fucking dog bitch

 

anxiety™: it dont bite

 

caddy-the-daddy: BITCH YES IT DO

 

caddy-the-daddy: anyway i feel betrayed

 

too-gay-to-function: top 10 anime betrayals

 

caddy-the-daddy: number fifteen

 

anxiety™: burger king foot lettuce 

 

father-of-gays: The last thing you'd want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus.

 

anxiety™: but as it turns out that might be what you get

 

**_anxiety™_ ** _has renamed the chat **"burger king foot lettuce"**_

 

lesbin: hi its regina would you kindly shut the fuck up

 

anxiety™: shooketh


	7. Karen angst makes me sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> turth: Fucking fuck you Aaron
> 
> father-of-gays: But that's heterosexual
> 
> turth: You're right never mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not gonna be updating for the next week. nothings wrong im just going on vacation and literally wont be on my phone or laptop all week (might be able to squeeze one more update in but no promises). this chapter talks a bit abt sex so youve been warned if youre innocent
> 
> also what even is cady and karen's ship name?

_burger king foot lettuce_

_6:43 pm_

 

janis's-mommy: What's up thots?

 

caddy-the-daddy: homo??? phobia??????

 

lesbin: can you be homophobic if you yourself are a homo

 

anxiety™: idk maybe?

 

janis's-mommy: All I did was call you guys thots?

 

lesbin: its okay babe we all know youre the thottiest of the thots

 

too-gay-to-function: fhdjfhjhJHJSHAJJANIS

 

janis's-mommy: She's right

 

lesbin: in the fifth row i see.... regina george herself

 

janis's-mommy: ;D

 

too-gay-to-function: a hoe never gets cold

 

janis's-mommy: Lmao turth

 

too-gay-to-function: turth

 

lesbin: turth

 

anxiety™: turth

 

caddy-the-daddy: turth

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **janis's-mommy** 's name to  **turth**_

 

too-gay-to-function: aaron only appears to make fun of regina

 

father-of-gays: ;) yep

 

turth: Fucking fuck you Aaron

 

father-of-gays: But that's heterosexual

 

turth: You're right never mind.

 

**_turth_ ** _has changed their name to **thottie**_

 

_**lesbin** has changed  **thottie** 's name to  **j's-thottie**_

 

j's-thottie: Binch

 

lesbin: binch

 

caddy-the-daddy: binch

 

too-gay-to-function: binch

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **j's-thottie** 's name to  **binch**_

 

lesbin: im high fiving you tomorrow aaron

 

father-of-gays: Awesome

 

binch: I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked rn

 

lesbin: you bring this onto yourself hun

 

binch: Says the girl who's been named "lesbin" for the past month

 

lesbin: meh it suits me

 

binch: ... well you're not wrong

 

too-gay-to-function: im so proud of my lesbian daughter :')

 

lesbin: :D 

 

too-gay-to-function: now shut up aarons here

 

father-of-gays: Peace out bitches

 

lesbin: D:

 

binch: Jan you using emojis is such a strange sight

 

lesbin: its a strange feeling

 

too-gay-to-function: shush

 

lesbin: no

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _has created a chat_

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _has added **lesbin, binch,** and  **anxiety™**_

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _has named the chat " **guys helpp** "_

 

_11:17 pm_

 

golden-retriever: guys i need help! worried emoji!

 

lesbin: whats wrong? do i need to add caddy?

 

golden-retriever: no please dont add cady

 

lesbin: ??

 

golden-retriever: this is about her

 

binch: Why did you make a group about her? Are you planning to break up with her?

 

lesbin: karen i swear

 

golden-retriever: NO! i dont want to break up with her!

 

anxiety™: then what is this about?

 

golden-retriever: i want to take our relationship a step further...

 

lesbin: :O

 

lesbin: shook

 

anxiety™: why did you need to make a whole chat about it?

 

golden-retriever: because i dont think shell want me

 

binch: ??

 

golden-retriever: ive slept with 11 people guys

 

golden-retriever: that picture of me from when i was 13 is on a porn site

 

golden-retriever: cadys not gonna want to touch me

 

lesbin: karen...

 

lesbin: caddys not like that

 

golden-retriever: but ill be her first and shell be my twelfth

 

golden-retriever: i dont want her to think shell just be another one

 

binch: Cady doesn't think like that Karen

 

anxiety™: cady loves you karen

 

lesbin: she really does

 

lesbin: she doesnt see that part of you

 

golden-retriever: are you sure?

 

lesbin: yes

 

binch: We've been hearing her talk about you since she realized she liked you.

 

anxiety™: truth

 

golden-retriever: i want our night to be halloween

 

golden-retriever: should i talk to her about it?

 

lesbin: totally

 

anxiety™: you should

 

binch: You really should

 

golden-retriever: okay thanks guys! heart emoji!

 

binch: Heart emoji

 

lesbin: heart emoji

 

anxiety™: heart emoji rainbow flag emoji

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _and **caddy-the-daddy**_

_11:56 pm_

 

golden-retriever: hey cady

 

caddy-the-daddy: hey babe! what are you still doing up?

 

golden-retriever: can we talk?

 

caddy-the-daddy: about?

 

golden-retriever: can i just call you? this is too hard over text

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes of course hold on

 

_bork bork_

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _has removed **golden-retriever** from the conversation_

_11:59 pm_

 

caddy-the-daddy: isshebreakingupwithme.jpg

 

**_caddy-the-daddy_ ** _and **golden-retriever**_

_12:00 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: okay i shut my door im ready

 

_Phone call between **caddy-the-daddy** and  **golden-retriever**_

 

"Cady?"

 

"Karen, are you okay?"

 

"Yes, I'm fine I just..."

 

"Karen?"

 

"I have a question."

 

"Okay, what is it?"

 

"If you don't feel the same that's totally fine I just really think this is important."

 

"Karen, you're not breaking up with me, are you?"

 

"No, Cady! I would never!"

 

"Oh, thank goodness." 

 

"Cady are you crying?"

 

"Not gonna lie I was about to."

 

"Cady, don't ever think I would break up with you. Especially over the phone in the middle of the night."

 

"I won't anymore. Anyway, what was your question? You sound both nervous and serious about something."

 

"I want to take our relationship to the next level."

 

"..."

 

"Cady?"

 

"Oh..."

 

"Are you... okay with that?"

 

"Karen, I'm more than okay with that! I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a long time."

 

"Really? You want to do it with me?"

 

"Why wouldn't I, Karen? I... I love you."

 

"I love you too, Cady, but are you really sure? I've slept with eleven people, my picture is all over a porn site, Cady."

 

"Please don't cry, Karen! I don't care about all that, baby. You mean everything to me and those people and that picture aren't gonna change anything about it."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes Karen, I promise."

 

"Goodnight, Cady."

 

"Goodnight, Karen. I love you."

 

"I love you too. Heart emoji."

 

"Heh, heart emoji."

 

_Call ended_

 

_bork bork_

_12:13 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: heh never mind all is great

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _and **caddy-the-daddy**_

_12:13 am_

 

golden-retriever: oh i forgot to ask

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes?

 

golden-retriever: can we make our night halloween?

 

caddy-the-daddy: i couldnt think of a perfect night

 

golden-retriever: kk! moon emoji! heart emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: moon emoji heart emoji

 

_burger king foot lettuce_

_7:46 am_

 

lesbin: alright aaron where are you

 

father-of-gays: ??

 

lesbin: the high five dimwit 

 

father-of-gays: Ohh right

 

father-of-gays: I'm in the caff

 

lesbin: k im coming and i have regina

 

binch: imbeingdragged.jpg

 

anxiety™: goals

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen can we do that

 

golden-retriever: sure!

 

golden-retriever: imalsobeingdragged.jpg

 

too-gay-to-function: ahhh i love you lesbians

 

lesbin: we love you too damian

 

binch: Janis, come on we have to get to class

 

lesbin: coming babe

 

father-of-gays: gay

 

lesbin: yeah and what abt it

 

caddy-the-daddy: meet yall at lunch?

 

binch: Yep, see you later

 

golden-retriever: peace sign emoji!

 


	8. rip janis barrett sarkisian 2k18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caddy-the-daddy: janis what the heck did u do
> 
> anxiety™: no cursing in my christian minecraft server
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: janis what the fuck* did u do
> 
> anxiety™: much better thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys  
> im so sorry i havent updated in forever  
> i have ideas it just takes me a while to figure out how to translate them from my brain to my laptop  
> thank you for being patient <3

_look at all those chickens_

_6:33 am_

 

v-sawyer: it is wednesday my dudes

 

h-chainsandwhips: No

 

v-sawyer: ahhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

h-chainsandwhips: Dammit

 

v-sawyer: lov u babe

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yeah, whatever. Love you too.

 

v-sawyer: :D

 

slutforslush: gay

 

h-chainsandwhips: Shut up, hetero.

 

v-sawyer: b nice

 

h-duck: tea

 

v-sawyer: okay well i have news

 

h-duck: ??

 

h-chainsandwhips: What is it, Ronnie?

 

v-sawyer: well

 

v-sawyer: janis and her friends r coming here for a field trip

 

h-chainsandwhips: Not to be rude but, WHY?!

 

v-sawyer: all the old stuff i guess? theyre history teacher convinced the principal to let them come because it will teach them both history and construction so it can double as an art trip too? theyre gonna leave november third and are gonna be here a week

 

v-sawyer: also theyre performing that musical

 

h-duck: what musical?

 

v-sawyer: you know, the one with the songs that janis sends and goes on abt how gay she is for regina?

 

h-duck: oh THAT one

 

slutforslush: im gay for regina tbh

 

v-sawyer: j

 

v-sawyer: jd

 

slutforslush: yes?

 

v-sawyer: youre an idiot

 

h-chainsandwhips: Maybe you should lay off the brain freezes.

 

h-duck: lol

 

v-sawyer: be nice heather

 

h-chainsandwhips: Make me.

 

v-sawyer: meet me in the science wing bathroom ;)

 

h-chainsandwhips: Brb

 

h-duck: gay

 

slutforslush: homophobia

 

h-duck: youre one to talk, straight boi

 

slutforslush: thats me

 

h-duck: whatever see you losers in calc

 

_burger king foot lettuce_

_8:56 pm_

 

binch: JANIS YOU FUCKING THOT

 

too-gay-to-function: tea

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis what the heck did u do

 

anxiety™: no cursing in my christian minecraft server

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis what the fuck* did u do

 

anxiety™: much better thank you

 

anxiety™: also wth is wrong regina?

 

binch: JANIS FUCKING

 

binch: BARRETT SARKISIAN

 

caddy-the-daddy: oh janis is dead

 

anxiety™: so dead

 

golden-retriever: rip janis skull emoji

 

lesbin: hello darling the love of my life my sun my stars my world my

 

binch: Janis Barrett Sarkisian.

 

lesbin: yes dear?

 

too-gay-to-function: janis dont you think it would be smarter to not be sarkastic?

 

anxiety™: shhhh damian lets watch this

 

binch: You fucking

 

lesbin: words darling

 

lesbin: would it be easier to send a picture?

 

binch: janisdrewafuckingfursona.jpg

 

lesbin: ahh yes

 

too-gay-to-function: HJAHSFJHFHJAGSFHSGHVJHVSGCGSACXHSDFB

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **binch** 's name to  **furry**_

 

 

furry: AARON I WILL FUCKING STRANGLE YOU

 

father-of-gays: Kinky

 

furry: ASJHDJSFHJHFJHGSDFJHFJHASJKJFHJADGFKDFGFAJGFJDGFJKGE

 

**_lesbin_ ** _has removed **furry** from the conversation_

 

lesbin: DONT ADD HER

 

lesbin: shell calm down eventually

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis what the fuck

 

lesbin: i took the line "like a lioness only with less fur" too literally

 

golden-retriever: check mark emoji

 

golden-retriever: i approve

 

lesbin: lit

 

anxiety™: janis run

 

lesbin: wat

 

anxiety™: reginaiscoming.jpg

 

lesbin: IS SHE SPEEDING DOWN THE STREET IN HER FUCKING CAR

 

anxiety™: i heard her and took a picture and its the funniest thing im dying

 

caddy-the-daddy: ill sing at the funeral

 

too-gay-to-function: it shall be a duet

 

lesbin: guys i hear her

 

lesbin: shehasentered.mov

 

anxiety™: *stomping*

*regina kicks janis's door open*

*janis screams*

 

lesbin: gretchen thats not funnyahsgdhjagfhsgfh

 

caddy-the-daddy: she got glomped

 

anxiety™: owo whats this??

 

caddy-the-daddy: OwO??????

 

lesbin: YOU BITCHES ARE FUCKING NEXT

 

caddy-the-daddy: yall hear summ?

 

anxiety™: nah

 

_losers_

_9:54 pm_

 

 

too-gay-to-function: HEATHER IM COMING NEXT WEEK ASJFHSJFH

 

h-duck: I KNOW AND IM EXCITED!!!

 

v-sawyer: where the fuck is my cousin

 

v-sawyer: she usually makes a sarcastic quip by now

 

anxiety™: shehasentered.mov

 

v-sawyer: AHSJFHJASFGHSFKJFJ

 

h-chainsandwhips: Why does Regina look so mad?

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis drew a fursona for regina

 

h-duck: ASHFGSHFGAHSFFACFACXGSH

 

h-duck: janis is my hero

 

v-sawyer: knowing janis theyre probably doing kinky stuff rn

 

anxiety™: knowing regina i agree

 

caddy-the-daddy: gretchen go to janis's house

 

too-gay-to-function: yeah u live like three houses down just walk over

 

anxiety™: on it

 

anxiety™: dressedandreadytogo.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: get this woman a girlfriend

 

v-sawyer: okay she looks hot

 

h-chainsandwhips: Normally, I would be pissed. But Gretchen you do look incredibly hot.

 

golden-retriever: isnt that the outfit gretchen wore to cady's party??

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes it is darling

 

golden-retriever: fire emoji!

 

anxiety™: thank yall so much omw im crying,,,,,,,,

 

anxiety™: alright guys im gonna live tweet this shit

 

anxiety™: it is dark outside

 

h-duck: yeah no shit

 

h-macarena: Be nice dear

 

anxiety™: im coming up to the sarkisian household

 

anxiety™: the only car in the driveway is reginas

 

caddy-the-daddy: oh boy

 

v-sawyer: janis has claimed the garage

 

too-gay-to-function: her dad isnt home

 

anxiety™: holy crap are they loud

 

v-sawyer: youd say the same thing about me and heather

 

anxiety™: yeah im leaving

 

anxiety™: i couldve gone my entire life without hearing regina moan

 

anxiety™: and janis's dirty talk

 

caddy-the-daddy: wait guys janis and regina will see this when they get back on their phones

 

slutforslush: heckermen

 

**_slutforslush_ ** _has cleared the conversation's history_

 

v-sawyer: we stan a hacking legend

 

anxiety™: rt

 

caddy-the-daddy: rt

 

_2:02 am_

 

furry: Who's a hacking legend?

 

lesbin: yeah who

 

v-sawyer: nobody love birds go to sleep ;)

 

lesbin: ???????

 


	9. its halloween part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lesbin: CADDY GO TO BED
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: YOURE NOT MY DAD
> 
> spoopythot: Dy*
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school has started and i want death
> 
> hope yall enjoy!

_ losers _

_ 3:00 am _

 

golden-retriever: welcome.

 

lesbin: what... the fuck

 

lesbin: karen sweetie its three am why r u awake and being creepy

 

golden-retriever: tis halloween janis

 

golden-retriever: it is my time

 

v-sawyer: karen go to sleep

 

golden-retriever: no

 

lesbin: karen youre gonna be REALLY tired tomorrow night

 

golden-retriever: oh yeah youre right goodnight! moon emoji heart emoji!

 

lesbin: moon emoji

 

v-sawyer: so janjan

 

lesbin: dont call me that

 

furry: Janjan

 

lesbin: says the furry

 

furry: Frick, I forgot to change it.

 

**_furry_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_bunny_ **

 

lesbin: that

 

lesbin: that doesnt help your case gina

 

**_lesbin_ ** _ has changed  _ **_bunny_ ** _ 's _ name _ to  _ **_thot_ **

 

v-sawyer: jan its halloween

 

**_lesbin_ ** _ has changed  _ **_thot_ ** _ 's name to  _ **_spoopythot_ **

 

v-sawyer: better janjan

 

lesbin: can u not

 

lesbin: reggie will not stop

 

spoopythot: Janjan

 

v-sawyer: haha i have corrupted her

 

lesbin: fuck u and go to sleep

 

v-sawyer: right back atcha

 

spoopythot: That's incest

 

v-sawyer: i love how regina only comments on the incest part and not the fact that janis and i would be cheating on our girlfriends

 

spoopythot: :/ you right you right

 

spoopythot: Anyway, I can't sleep

 

lesbin: yeah me neither

 

v-sawyer: ;)

 

lesbin: V NOT LIKE THAT AJHSHASFASHFGJSA

 

v-sawyer: oh please we know yall aint innocent

 

v-sawyer: trust me janis tells me e v e r y t h i n g

 

lesbin: I DO NOT VERONICA

 

v-sawyer: well maybe not since you and regina got together (im kind of sad you dont give me the juice anymore)

 

v-sawyer: but you used to tell me all the dirty little thoughts in your head and what you want to do to regina

 

spoopythot: What has Janjan wanted to do?

 

v-sawyer: lets see

 

**_lesbin_ ** _ has removed  _ **_v-sawyer_ ** _ from the conversation _

 

spoopythot: Awww, babe you're no fun....

 

lesbin: shes said too much i cannot face you today

 

spoopythot: Baaaaabbbyyyyyyyyyyy~~~~~~~~~~

 

lesbin: begone THOT

 

**_spoopythot_** _has added_ ** _v-sawyer_** _to the conversation_

 

lesbin: BEGONE THOT!!

 

v-sawyer: IF SHE BREATHES

 

lesbin: SHES A THOT

 

caddy-the-daddy: ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS

 

lesbin: CADDY GO TO BED

 

caddy-the-daddy: YOURE NOT MY DAD

 

spoopythot: Dy*

 

caddy-the-daddy: BITCH

 

h-chainsandwhips: Go to sleep it's four in the morning.

 

v-sawyer: NO

 

h-chainsandwhips: Fine, whatever.

 

v-sawyer: :O

 

lesbin: shOOK?

 

h-duck: guys i cannot sleep so wassup

 

v-sawyer: heyoo

 

caddy-the-daddy: THEN HE WADDLED AWAY 

 

h-duck: WADDLE WADDLE

 

lesbin: its too early for this shit 

 

h-duck: then go to bed

 

lesbin: no i have to be up in like an hour anyway

 

spoopythot: You get up at five??

 

lesbin: ye and i shower

 

spoopythot: .....

 

spoopythot: Can I come over?

 

lesbin: uhm

 

lesbin: yeah ig if u want to

 

spoopythot: K gotta climb out the window

 

lesbin: wait babe dont hurt urself

 

v-sawyer: ew climbing through windows

 

lesbin: REGINA THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD HEARD YOU FALL BABE R U OKAY

 

spoopythot: Yeah, I'm fine

 

v-sawyer: whatd she do

 

lesbin: idk i just heard a thud and a very loud "FUCK"

 

v-sawyer: pls marry regina i want her in the family

 

spoopythot: Yeah Janis please marry me

 

lesbin: i dont feel comfortable talking abt marriage rn can yall stop?

 

spoopythot: Of course

 

lesbin: regina stop revving your engine holy crap youre worse than that motorcycle next to ur house

 

spoopythot: Payback

 

v-sawyer: heather why cant u do that

 

h-chainsandwhips: You know what?

 

v-sawyer: what

 

lesbin: wat

 

spoopythot: What

 

lesbin: REGINA FOCUS ON DRIVING HOLY HECK

 

h-chainsandwhips: I am sick and tired of your cousin's friends being cute and in a relationship and you going "Heather, why can't we be like that?"

 

v-sawyer: heather u know i dont mean it

 

h-chainsandwhips: You might not mean it, but it still makes me feel like I'm a shitty girlfriend who can't make you happy. I care about you more than I care about anybody else. But when you say stuff like that? I feel like I'm not enough. 

 

v-sawyer: heather

 

lesbin: heather calm down

 

h-chainsandwhips: Janis, do not tell me to calm down.

 

v-sawyer: listen to her jan

 

h-chainsandwhips: Ronnie, I need a break.

 

v-sawyer: heather wait

 

h-chainsandwhips: No Veronica, I just need some time away to think.

 

**_h-chainsandwhips_ ** _ has left the conversation _

 

v-sawyer: shit

 

lesbin: i cant believe she did it over text holy

 

v-sawyer: dont be mad at her janis i completely understand where shes coming from

 

lesbin: me too

 

lesbin: but youd think she could save it for school

 

v-sawyer: yeah but she was mad

 

h-duck: holy shit i leave for a few minutes and the power couple of westerberg is done

 

v-sawyer: taking a break*

 

v-sawyer: im gonna try to talk to her

 

**_v-sawyer_ ** _ and  _ **_chainsandwhips_ **

_ 4:32 am _

 

v-sawyer: heather?

 

v-sawyer: heather im sorry

 

v-sawyer: i shouldnt have made those jokes and if i could take them all back i would

 

v-sawyer: the last thing i want is to make you feel like a shit gf

 

v-sawyer: youre the most amazing woman i have ever met and even though you dont act like the other couples, you have your own way of showing you love me and damnit thats way more than i deserve

 

v-sawyer: heather please answer me you have your read receipts on i know youre reading this

 

v-sawyer: okay ill give you space

 

_ losers _

_ 4:39 am _

 

v-sawyer: shes not answering my texts but shes reading them

 

lesbin: what are you gonna do

 

v-sawyer: give her space

 

h-duck: damn this is a wild halloween

 

golden-retriever: HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: i keep falling in and out of sleep and BABE

 

golden-retriever: !!! HEART EMOJI!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: heart emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: also veronica im so sorry abt what youre going through

 

v-sawyer: its fine. im sure shell calm down after a while. this isnt the first time shes blown up at me

 

v-sawyer: although most of those were before we became a thing

 

h-duck: boy was she in love with you

 

lesbin: man yall shoulda seen v's gay panics

 

v-sawyer: bi*

 

h-duck: guys my heathers grounded and im depressed

 

lesbin: :(

 

lesbin: i wonder where regina is brb

 

lesbin: what the fudge

 

v-sawyer: ???

 

lesbin: reginainmydriveway.mov

 

caddy-the-daddy: IS SHE HEADBANGING TO APEX PREDATOR?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

v-sawyer: oh my word

 

h-duck: regina is honestly me

 

caddy-the-daddy: big mood

 

lesbin: how do i make a video my lockscreen

 

caddy-the-daddy: settings - wallpaper - press to play

 

lesbin: thank u

 

h-duck: when the girl who has lived in africa for all but one year of her life knows how to operate a phone better than u

 

lesbin: shut ur facejkdhfj

 

caddy-the-daddy: and thats how janis sarkisian died

 

v-sawyer: guys im gonna go try and get sleep

 

caddy-the-daddy: gn!

 

h-duck: night ron

 

anxiety™: u know wat ive been bothered by these fucking notifs since three whats up gays

 

golden-retriever: bi*

 

h-duck: she has been summoned

 

golden-retriever: also its HALLOWEEN!!!!!

 

h-duck: what are you guys dressing up as?

 

caddy-the-daddy: a skeleton

 

golden-retriever: a sexy vampire! vampire emoji!

 

h-duck: im going to go as my true form

 

h-duck: halloween.jpg

 

anxiety™: IS THAT ASH FROM POKEMON SJFKFKH

 

h-duck: yes! my heather is gonna be pikachu!

 

anxiety™: sdfhHAJSFHJ

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats so cute!!

 

too-gay-to-function: im waking up

 

caddy-the-daddy: I FEEL IT I N MY BO N E S 

 

too-gay-to-function: im reading these texts and?? who gave caddy sugar

 

golden-retriever: i did

 

too-gay-to-function: WHEEZE

 

h-duck: MY ASMA

 

anxiety™: MY ASMA

 

caddy-the-daddy: MY ASMA

 

v-sawyer: all yall got asma or summ

 

anxiety™: "all yall"

h-duck: all yall

 

too-gay-to-function: all yall

 

caddy-the-daddy: all yall

 

golden-retriever: all yall

 

v-sawyer: THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA

 

too-gay-to-function: WHOS READY FOR HALLOWEEN!!!!!

 

golden-retriever: !!!!! MEEEEE

 

too-gay-to-function: my cousins school gives the kids candy on halloween

 

caddy-the-daddy: >:O

 

caddy-the-daddy: homophobia

 

v-sawyer: in its prime

 

slutforslush: ha suck it homos

 

h-duck: but we dont want to

 

caddy-the-daddy: hens homos

 

too-gay-to-function: id suck it

 

too-gay-to-function: but i have aaron

 

slutforslush: yes stay faithful my dude

 

v-sawyer: hhhh guys my costume matched with heather... should i wear it?

 

h-duck: mmmmmmmmmmmm

 

h-duck: well if u dont shell think u dont care but if u do shell think youre trying to guilt her

 

v-sawyer: imma wear it

 

caddy-the-daddy: what is it?

 

v-sawyer: any of yall play life is strange?

 

anxiety™: i do

 

v-sawyer: im going as max and shes victoria

 

anxiety™: hasjfhjf AWWWWWWWW

 

caddy-the-daddy: thats so cute

 

too-gay-to-function: i ship ronnie and heather so hard

 

too-gay-to-function: anyway see yall at school

 

_ look at all those chickens _

_ 10:53 am _

 

h-duck: who else is deceased at heather and ronnies facial expressions when they showed up to school and noticed they were wearing the matching costumes?

 

slutforslush: me

 

marthathemom: Heather, that's not very nice.

 

h-duck: ??? you might be ronnie and jds mom

 

h-duck: but ur not mine

 

v-sawyer: someone help duke just ran down the math hall screaming "RULES CANNOT CONTROL ME"

 

h-chainsandwhips: Mac and Veronica just looked at each other in fear

 

v-sawyer: HEATHER MISS FLEMING IS COMING AFTER U RUN!!!

 

h-duck: nyoom

 

slutforslush: she just ran past my door and went "NYOOM" and i think shes doing it whenever she runs by a door

 

h-duck: nyoosajhfj

 

marthathemom: Heather are you okay??

 

slutforsluh: she got caught and now shes trying to get away

 

slutforslush: heathersmotheringfleming.mov

 

v-sawyer: IS SHE SMOTHERING FLEMING WITH HER BOOBS 

 

h-chainsandwhips: Iconic.

 

slutforslush: this chat is gonna die without heather...

 

v-sawyer: yeah u right see yall after school

 

_burger king foot lettuce_   


_1:18 pm_

 

caddy-the-daddy: STORYTIME

 

spoopythot: Sassy Janis has emerged

 

too-gay-to-function: WHAT HAPPENED?????!?!???!!!?!?!??

 

caddy-the-daddy: so mrs juniper was ranting about homosexuality (where does that fit into english?) and she goes "ladies, you need to find a nice husband so you can repopulate the earth" and janis gay up goes "no"

 

caddy-the-daddy: and mrs j was like "excuse me?" and janis gets up, walks over to regina, stands her up, says "no" and KISSES REGINA

 

too-gay-to-function: JANIS ASKHFK

 

spoopythot: My gf y'all :')

 

golden-retriever: guys? what are we doing for halloween?

 

anxiety™: party?

 

lesbin: why dont we just go trick or treating? hang out together? watch scary movies and just be kids?

 

spoopythot: Are you suggesting that because of your anxiety?

 

lesbin: partly

 

golden-retriever: i like janis's idea

 

caddy-the-daddy: me too :)

 

golden-retriever: everyone meet up at my house at 8?

 

spoopythot: Nah, Janis, Gretchen, and I live in the nicest neighborhood. Our people give tons of good candy

 

golden-retriever: okay! meet up at regina's house at 8?

 

too-gay-to-function: sounds like a plan

 

anxiety™: ^

 

golden-retriever: okay! i cant wait!!


	10. its halloween: the sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anxiety™: cady: *calls making out gross*  
> also cady: yeah babe lets make out in the janitors closet before you fuck me senseless tonight owo
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: blocked fuck off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school sucks but hey at least i have classes where i can write this since i use my laptop to take notes ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_losers_

_1:46 pm_

 

spoopythot: Janis, if you hurt that freshman

 

spoopythot: Janis he didn't know any better leave him alone

 

spoopythot: Janis!

 

v-sawyer: wat is happening

 

anxiety™: janissquaredup.mov

 

too-gay-to-function: DOES THAT LITTLE BOY WANNA DIE AHSFSF

 

v-sawyer: wait did he FLIRT WITH REGINA IN FRONT OF JANIS

 

caddy-the-daddy: yeah thats what happened and that kids gonna die

 

spoopythot: His name's Sam and I tutor him in English. I guess he didn't know that I'm a lesbian and have a girlfriend

 

too-gay-to-function: WHO IS GOING TO TEAR A HOLE THROUGH HIM

 

h-duck: SAVE THE CHILD

 

golden-retriever: alien emoji! corn emoji! 

 

too-gay-to-function: ahh yes i miss the karen we cannot understand

 

too-gay-to-function: thought we lost her to caddy for a second

 

caddy-the-daddy: 1. hush. 2. she said she has sam in mr gilds old room

 

anxiety™: im coming

 

father-of-gays: makingmywaydowntown.mov

 

spoopythot: AARON STOP BEING GAY AND RUN YOURE AN ATHLETE

 

father-of-gays: And your point is...?

 

spoopythot: SAVE THE FUCKING KID

 

caddy-the-daddy: im with karen gretchen and sam

 

too-gay-to-function: yeah im in theater im not missing out just bc some kid who shouldve known better

 

h-duck: BIGGEST MOOD

 

slutforslush: just say same you homo

 

h-duck: NO I REFUSE

 

v-sawyer: heathers been going through a rebellious phase

 

anxiety™: is it because her girlfriend is grounded

 

h-duck: YES

 

caddy-the-daddy: okay @spoopythot aaron and i traded places and now im guarding the door

 

spoopythot: okay im almost there

 

spoopythot: shit janis is coming guys be ready

 

v-sawyer: wow that must be a wild experience for that little boy to go through

 

h-duck: yeah he flirts with regina and then BOOM a ton of juniors and one senior are protecting him while also on their phones

 

**_v-sawyer_ ** _has added **h-chainsandwhips** to the conversation_

 

h-chainsandwhips: Ronnie what the hell?

 

v-sawyer: chill out

 

v-sawyer: scroll up janis is abt to murder a kid

 

too-gay-to-function: im already planning the funeral

 

too-gay-to-function: both for sam and janis because we know damn well shes gonna be sent to jail lmao

 

h-chainsandwhips: Fine I'll stay.

 

h-chainsandwhips: But only because I want to.

 

h-duck: whipped

 

h-chainsandwhips: Shut it before you end up like Sam.

 

v-sawyer: damn okay hun calm down

 

slutforslush: any updates? im waiting over here

 

anxiety™: okay mr impatient

 

anxiety™: hostage.mov

 

h-duck: DID THEY THROW HER IN THE FUCKING JANITORS CLOSET IM?????????????

 

spoopythot: You can all go back to class now. Janis is subdued. Thank God this thing locks on the outside

 

too-gay-to-function: this is the wildest day ever

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen sweetie can u make sure sam gets back to class safely? <3

 

golden-retriever: yes! heart emoji!

 

too-gay-to-function: also make sure you tell the boy you also have a girlfriend

 

too-gay-to-function: we dont want caddys inner lion to be released

 

golden-retriever: ill see that tonight ;)

 

anxiety™: i can hear janis from the other side of the building

 

v-sawyer: we can hear her all the way from here

 

h-duck: shes still not as loud as heather c when her and ronnie are gettin it ON

 

v-sawyer: lmao tru thooooo

 

h-chainsandwhips: You're dead

 

h-duck: huh thats funny bc i still seem to be breathinghsdjfg

 

too-gay-to-function: heather murdered heather

 

anxiety™: and heathers gonna be really sad about it

 

too-gay-to-function: heathers gonna miss heather a lot thanks heather

 

v-sawyer: wat,,,, the fuck,,,,,,,,,

 

v-sawyer: heather d got her phone taken away bc yalls notifs kept making her phone go off

 

anxiety™: always silence your phone children :)

 

anxiety™: also regina tell ur dog to shut up

 

father-of-gays: She just screamed louder. Thanks, Gretchen.

 

v-sawyer: one time i had to make janis sleep in the backyard

 

too-gay-to-function: WHAT

 

v-sawyer: yeah she was pitching a fit abt something and i made her go outside then locked the door bc i was 110% done with her shit

 

spoopythot: Yeah, sounds like Janis :)

 

too-gay-to-function: when was this

 

v-sawyer: idk like eight months ago??? im not sure but it was recent

 

too-gay-to-function: plot twist: it was when she realized she had HARDCORE feelings for regina

 

v-sawyer: probably it tbh

 

caddy-the-daddy: guys janis escaped

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis was all like "reginaaaaaa baaaaabyyyyyyy~~~" and regina was like "wat do u want u psycho" and janis was like "can i at least have u with me to help me calm down?" (like making out gross)

 

caddy-the-daddy: and regina is like "yeah sure whatever" and goes to open the door and the next thing i know im on the ground and janis is FUCKING BOOKING IT and regina looks at me with pure fear in her eyes and runs after janis and yeah im still on the ground whats up

 

too-gay-to-function: that was wild from start to finish

 

v-sawyer: yeah....... gretchen u should probably run

 

anxiety™: on it

 

golden-retriever: cady im coming we can make out in the janitors closet? lipstick mark emoji!

 

caddy-the-daddy: lit

 

anxiety™: cady: *calls making out gross*

also cady: yeah babe lets make out in the janitors closet before you fuck me senseless tonight owo

 

caddy-the-daddy: blocked fuck off

 

lesbin: csdfy in sorty fir pusjinh u 

 

v-sawyer: wtf janis i knew your texting was iffy but dang okay

 

lesbin: f u im runninh

 

v-sawyer: so close

 

h-duck: got my phone fuckers

 

v-sawyer: fucking HOW

 

h-duck: blackmail bitch

 

h-duck: the moment the school board finds out mr kim is giving his son test answers to keep him in football, his job is GONE

 

anxiety™: well damn

 

lesbin: glomped.mov

 

spoopythot: IM!!!! NOT!! A!!!!! FURRY!!!!!!!!!!

 

anxiety™: internalized furryphobia

 

too-gay-to-function: ashGSFHGS

 

h-duck: ronnie has internalized furryphobia

 

v-sawyer: >:O

 

v-sawyer: excuse u thot i am out and proud

 

anxiety™: whats ur fursona

 

v-sawyer: fursona.jpg

 

anxiety™: FUCK YOU STUPID HAND GAME AFSH

 

h-duck: when u walkin

 

anxiety™: alright schools almost out im gonna pay attention bc i actually want a good grade in this stupid class

 

v-sawyer: lol same peace

 

_ burger king foot lettuce _

_ 7:53 pm _

 

too-gay-to-function: caddy where r u

 

anxiety™: shes driving, genius

 

too-gay-to-function: well tell her to HURRY UP i wanna see aaron

 

too-gay-to-function: yall know i love seeing him in a sports uniform

 

father-of-gays: You'll have all night to look at me, babe

 

too-gay-to-function: gosh what did i do to deserve you

 

father-of-gays: You're cute and gay and yeah

 

too-gay-to-function: ajsh

 

spoopythot: You killed him

 

lesbin: damian just chill you dont have to be here right at eight.

 

too-gay-to-function: ik i just rlly rlly wanna see aaron

 

lesbin: gross.

 

anxiety™: says the girl who is practically on her girlfriends lap

 

anxiety™: lesbos.jpg

 

father-of-gays: Aww my children

 

spoopythot: Except for cady

 

too-gay-to-function: AHEM WHAT CADDY IS MINE AND AARONS KID

 

spoopythot: Nah, Cady is 100% mine and Janis's love child

 

lesbin: yeah back off.

 

too-gay-to-function: DANG janis is snappy tonight!

 

spoopythot: She's just grumpy bc of sam

 

caddy-the-daddy: i got damian, were blasting the mean girls soundtrack we recorded, and were on our way

 

golden-retriever: damian cady said to stop making out with aaron in the back seat! angery emoji!

 

anxiety™: i taste a VEGETAL

 

anxiety™: ~ANGERY~

 

_ look at all those chickens _

_ 8:05 pm _

 

v-sawyer: so since janis and them r going trick or treating what r we doing

 

h-chainsandwhips: Well, my parents don't care. Like at all.

 

h-chainsandwhips: I'd be lucky if they're even home.

 

v-sawyer: want me to come over? ill bring candy

 

h-chainsandwhips: The bitch side of me says, "No, you're mad at her." but the girlfriend side of me says, "Yes please I miss you"

 

v-sawyer: so...?

 

h-chainsandwhips: Please.

 

h-chainsandwhips: Can you bring BBQ Corn Nuts too?

 

v-sawyer: of course <3

 

slutforslush: gay

 

h-duck: hey heather at about 11 can we come over and watch movies? i want to give you two some time alone

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yeah, you guys can come over. Even JD

 

slutforslush: heck yeah

 

slutforslush: yeehaw

 

h-chainsandwhips: On second thought...

 

slutforslush: no take backsies

 

h-chainsandwhips: What are you, five?

 

v-sawyer: heather be nice

 

slutforslush: once again veronica has to control her bitch

 

v-sawyer: heather please dont get upset at him

 

v-sawyer: jd be nice to heather because you know damn well she can ruin your life

 

slutforslush: meh true

 

h-chainsandwhips: I am trying to change, though

 

v-sawyer: and youre doing amazing and im proud of you

 

**_v-sawyer_ ** _and **h-chainsandwhips**_

_8:13 pm_

 

v-sawyer: hey

 

v-sawyer: are we cool?

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yeah. I'm sorry, Ronnie

 

v-sawyer: hey its not your fault. i shouldnt have made those jokes. im sorry

 

h-chainsandwhips: You're so caring and kind. What did I ever do to deserve you?

 

v-sawyer: you decided to change. and its been slow, but its really shown and like i said before, im so proud of you heather <3

 

h-chainsandwhips: <3

 

v-sawyer: btw im almost to your house

 

h-chainsandwhips: YOU WERE TEXTING WHILE DRIVING???!??!??!!??

 

v-sawyer: ... yeet

 

_burger king foot lettuce_

_9:26 pm_

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen?? karen where the hell are you??

 

golden-retriever: i dont know

 

too-gay-to-function: karen are you with the people you walked off with?

 

golden-retriever: no i left them

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen please tell me your surroundings

 

golden-retriever: houses

 

lesbin: okay gretchen and i are gonna take caddy back to reginas house and try to calm her down

 

anxiety™: the rest of yall look for karen please

 

spoopythot: Karen, remember that house that gave us the Cherry Coke and said you look really pretty tonight?

 

golden-retriever: yes

 

spoopythot: Do you remember where that house is?

 

golden-retriever: yes it has the blue mustang that looks like cady's

 

spoopythot: Okay, can you meet us there?

 

golden-retriever: ill try

 

lesbin: caddys having a panic attack what do

 

spoopythot: Talk to her. Make sure she knows that Karen is and will be okay. Tell her we will find her. Ask her to name all the little things she loves about Karen

 

anxiety™: wow regina u rlly seem to know how to take care of people

 

spoopythot: I asked my therapist how to become a better person. He gave me a bunch of tips on how to help people and stuff I guess

 

spoopythot: I think I want to be a therapist or school counselor or something where I can help teens. Because I know I could've used help these past few years

 

lesbin: thats

 

lesbin: wow

 

lesbin: anyway caddys been talking about karen and has calmed down a ton

 

too-gay-to-function: karen are you at the house?

 

golden-retriever: yes

 

spoopythot: Stay there, we're coming

 

spoopythot: cadywehaveher.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: babe! ahsjf i was so worried!

 

golden-retriever: im okay! heart emojI!

 

caddythedaddy: heart emoji x16!

 

spoopythot: Okay, I think we're done for tonight. Janis, you wanna pick a movie for us to watch?

 

too-gay-to-function: im gonna skip. i wanna go spend time with aaron alone

 

father-of-gays: Yeet

 

caddy-the-daddy: is it okay if karen and i skip? kind of important night and after that scare, i dont want to risk losing her again before... you know

 

spoopythot: Yeah sure! So it'll just be me, Gretchen, and Janis?

 

anxiety™: heck yeah! unless yall want me to go. i dont wanna be a cock block lol

 

spoopythot: No, I'd love to have you!

 

lesbin: yeah same. youre super fun to be around gretch

 

anxiety™: awww thanks guys

 

spoopythot: Have safe trips guys!

 

golden-retriever: ! heart emoji!

 

spoopythot: Heart emoji

lesbin: this has been a wild day, but im glad i got to spend halloween with yall

 

anxiety™: rt

 

golden-retriever: i wish we all became friends sooner! yellow heart emoji!

 

lesbin: smae

 

spoopythot: Smae

 

too-gay-to-function: smae

 

caddy-the-daddy: (at a red light) smae

 

father-of-gays: (Damian) Smae

 

anxiety™: smae

 

lesbin: fuck off smh

 


	11. tea on the bus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caddy-the-daddy: we should synchronize our listening
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: cautionary tale in 3
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: 2
> 
> caddy-the-daddy: 1
> 
> rudethot: mean girls to the seventh power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for the long wait between chapters! im a junior now and honestly ive had so much work already
> 
> but hey i got a tumblr!  
> https://heatherbendover.tumblr.com/  
> so if you have any questions or prompts you would like to see (might start a collection one shots fic when i need a break from the texting fic)
> 
> hope you enjoy!

_losers_

_5:57 am_

 

spoopythot: Can someone explain to me why this fucking school is making us come here at this ungodly hour??

 

v-sawyer: so u can come visit us earlier duh

 

lesbin: reg im almost there

 

lesbin: wanna be my bus buddy?

 

spoopythot: No, I was planning on sitting with Cady

 

golden-retriever: >:O

 

spoopythot: Chill, K! Twas a joke

 

lesbin: yeah im turning ur capitalization off

 

spoopythot: Boo u thot

 

**_golden-retriever_ ** _has changed **spoopythot** 's name to  **rudethot**_

 

lesbin: lmao good one karen

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen imma be a little late please call our seats!

 

golden-retriever: ourseat.jpg

 

caddy-the-daddy: lit

 

anxiety™: where the garbage do i go :(

 

rudethot: We'll just put u with the luggage

 

rudethot: I'm sorry Gretch i had to lol

 

anxiety™: :(

 

v-sawyer: yall i want a bf

 

h-chainsandwhips: Ahem WHAT

 

v-sawyer: b - billion

f - fucking dollars

 

h-chainsandwhips: Oh

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yes I want a bf too

 

lesbin: lol heather was abt to murder ronnie

 

v-sawyer: worth it

 

anxiety™: guys i need a gf

g - help

f - me

 

too-gay-to-function: big mood except im gay

 

caddy-the-daddy: we know

 

rudethot: guys janis turned my capitalization off

 

too-gay-to-function: FINALLY OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST HAS ANSWERED MY PRAYERS !!!!

 

rudethot: oh fuck yall

 

too-gay-to-function: she turn ur auto grammar off too?

 

rudethot: yes

 

lesbin: listen gina u r not the grammar type

 

v-sawyer: yeah if thats anyone its me and look at me

 

anxiety™: ronnie why havent u turned heathers stuff off yet?

 

v-sawyer: bc if i mess with her phone shell murder me and i dont wanna die

 

h-chainsandwhips: You've got that right, babe ;)

 

anxiety™: lesbian update: ive used my plastic powers™ to get a seat by myself behind cady and karen and next to damian and aaron

 

v-sawyer: woah howd u do that

 

anxiety™: i just had to give them the look and they avoided me

 

h-duck: whats up homos whats the look

 

anxiety™: thelook.jpg

 

h-chainsandwhips: Woah that's scarier than mine

 

v-sawyer: ajsjhfjAJFSHJ

 

caddythedaddy: H O T SOMEONE get this woman a gf 

 

anxiety™: thanks guys and also yes pls i want one,,,,,,,,,,

 

anxiety™: but im alright being single ig

 

too-gay-to-function: @lesbin @spoopythot im too lazy to take my earbuds out and talk to yall but please stop making out in front of us is gross

 

too-gay-to-function: dont give me the finger janis you know damn well youd say the same thing to me

 

v-sawyer: dont make her mad damian we dont want to keep her in the janitors closet again :)

 

lesbin: that was ONE TIME RONNIE

 

caddy-the-daddy: is everyone here listening to our show?

 

anxiety™: yeet

 

golden-retriever: yes!

 

rudethot: yeah

 

too-gay-to-function: ye

 

lesbin: yepperoni

 

father-of-gays: yep

 

v-sawyer: no bc yall never sent us the album!

 

lesbin: youll get it tonight after we perform it

 

caddy-the-daddy: we should synchronize our listening

 

caddy-the-daddy: cautionary tale in 3

 

caddy-the-daddy: 2

 

caddy-the-daddy: 1

 

rudethot: mean girls to the seventh power

 

lesbin: ITS A CAUTIONARY TAAALE

 

rudethot: no

 

h-duck: wait aaron y r u on the bus youre not a junior

 

father-of-gays: H

 

father-of-gays: Heather I'm

 

father-of-gays: I'm in the musical

 

h-duck: OH THATS RIGHT im stupid sorry

 

anxiety™: im sitting behind karen and cady and theyre so soft,,,,

 

anxiety™: lesbianpups.jpg

 

lesbin: soft and pure

 

lesbin: also theyve been so sweet and caring and careful with each other after halloween

 

too-gay-to-function: ahh my children

 

rudethot: CADY IS MINE AND JANISS CHILD FIGHT ME DAMIAN

 

anxiety™: fight.mov

 

h-duck: HE SMACKED HER AND SHE WENT OFF

 

lesbin: terrified but also turned on

 

too-gay-to-function: janis youre always turned on around regina

 

lesbin: well youre not wrong

 

v-sawyer: look at my cousin being a thot

 

lesbin: shut up im not a thot

 

rudethot: janis... youre a thot

 

v-sawyer: if ur gf says so it is tru

 

_**v-sawyer** has changed  **lesbin** 's name to  **lesbinthot**_

 

lesbinthot: youre the thot ronnie smh

 

v-sawyer: great comeback cuz

 

too-gay-to-function: the tea is PIPING TODAY

 

too-gay-to-function: now thats a party

 

lesbinthot: a revenge party a party that ends

 

lesbinthot: with a CERTAIN THOTS head on a SPIKE

 

too-gay-to-function: woah o woah

 

v-sawyer: was that directed towards me i think it was

 

rudethot: guys

 

lesbinthot: yeah it was u thot deal with it

 

rudethot: guys

 

v-sawyer: wow janis i thought u loved me

 

rudethot: g u y s

 

lesbin: i do but ur a bitch sometimes smh

 

rudethot: GUYS

 

v-sawyer: says u thot

 

rudethot: yall

 

lesbinthot: ew disgusting what

 

too-gay-to-function: i love how yall ignore regina until she uses "yall"

 

lesbinthot: shut the up

 

v-sawyer: what is it regina?

 

rudethot: thepupshavealapdog.jpg

 

too-gay-to-function: WAIT WHY IS GRETCHEN CUDDLING WITH CADY AND KAREN AJFHSJGH

 

father-of-gays: Tea 

 

v-sawyer: i ship it

 

lesbinthot: gretchens waited so long to have a girlfriend shes been blessed with two

 

rudethot: wait guys dont mess with her about it

 

rudethot: we dont know anything yet

 

lesbinthot: wow

 

**_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **rudethot** 's name to  **caringthot**_

 

caringthot: hhhhh thank u i try

 

**_caringthot_ ** _has created a new conversation_

**_caringthot_ ** _has added **lesbinthot, too-gay-to-function,** and  **father-of-gays**_

**_caringthot_ ** _has named the conversation "opperation: lap dog"_

 

caringthot: we need to get them together


	12. confessing your feelings? never heard of her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> h-duck: HA cant relate im hiding in the restroom with heather
> 
> v-sawyer: which one
> 
> h-duck: macnamara who else?
> 
> v-sawyer: i meant which restroom duck
> 
> h-duck: oh math wing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im trying to update as often as possible bc i rlly love writing this fic!! 
> 
> also i lost half this fic yesterday so t h a t s f u n
> 
> anyway hope yall enjoy!!

_losers_

_8:24 am_

 

anxiety™: guys i just woke up and i??? dont like karen and cady calm down 

 

caringthot: u sure?

 

anxiety™: yes im sure

 

_**anxiety™** and  **caringthot**_

_8:25 am_

 

anxiety™: im sure i like them

 

caringthot: SCREM

 

caringthot: CAN I TELL JANIS DAMIAN AND AARON

 

anxiety™: i mean sure? idk can you guys make a group chat with me?

 

_operation: lap dog_

_**caringthot** has added  **anxiety™** to the conversation  
_

_8:29 am_

 

caringthot: so we already had one made....

 

anxiety™: wow this group chat has completely blown up with o n e text message

 

too-gay-to-function: weve all been sleeping gretchen you little lesbian you

 

 anxiety™: you got me there

 

lesbinthot: aight so since gretchen was kinda the person regina caddy karen and i vented to why dont u vent

 

father-of-gays: ^^

 

anxiety™: okay so uhm

 

anxiety™: karen and i kinda had a little fling last year? idk it wasnt anything serious we just had sex a few times

 

caringthot: wow

 

anxiety™: it was supposed to be a no-strings-attached kinda thing but she was just so caring and she knew i have a praise kink and used it to her advantage

 

anxiety™: so obviously i fell and i fell hard

 

anxiety™: i had to break it off with karen and i told her i was developing feelings and she completely understood and respected my decision

 

lesbinthot: wow okay damn i wasnt expecting that

 

too-gay-to-function: neither was i holy shit

 

anxiety™: anyway with cady i dont know, shes just so sweet and adorable and i think gay thoughts when i see her and i know i shouldnt because theyre in a relationship but yall dont understand how much i want to be with them ahhhhhhHHHHHHHHH

 

too-gay-to-function: gay crisis?

 

caringthot: she nodded

 

lesbinthot: i think gretchen needs to take a few moments to herself, saying stuff like that kinda drains her

 

father-of-gays: Relatable

 

_losers_

_8:38 am_

 

caddy-the-daddy: man yall are quiet smh

 

v-sawyer: school

 

h-duck: HA cant relate im hiding in the restroom with heather

 

v-sawyer: which one

 

h-duck: macnamara who else?

 

v-sawyer: i meant which restroom duck

 

h-duck: oh math wing

 

v-sawyer: taking h c and yeeting to yall

 

caddy-the-daddy: moment of blowing up over 

 

too-gay-to-function: Sorry, we've been sleeping

 

caddy-the-daddy: aaron i can see yall youve been glued to your phone the past ten minutes

 

too-gay-to-function: Gotta go

 

father-of-gays: for yalls information, all he did was switch seats with me to be farther from caddy

 

v-sawyer: aaron is a disaster

 

lesbinthot: RT

 

caringthot: rt

 

anxiety™: hello everyone it is your fave disaster lesbian how are yall

 

caddy-the-daddy: besides the fact our friends think we like eachother, all is good

 

golden-retriever: i wouldnt mind gretchen liking us!

 

caddy-the-daddy: neither would i lol, but ive never been in a poly relationship

 

anxiety™: and u dont have to be lol i dont like yall

 

anxiety™: our friends just cant see platonic cuddling and think "lesbians"

 

 caringthot: is that so wrong?

 

golden-retriever: yes

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes

 

anxiety™: yes

 

caringthot: okay geez calm down

 

anxiety™: whatever imma go back to sleep

 

golden-retriever: come cuddle with us!!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: yeet!

 

anxiety™: okie

 

 too-gay-to-function: ahhh lesbians

 

anxiety™: shut

 

_look at all those chickens_

_8:42 am_

 

v-sawyer: WHOS READY FOR MY COUSIN AND HER FRIENDS!!!!

 

h-duck: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

h-duck: meEEEEEE

 

h-chainsandwhips: If you and Damian weren't both gay as fuck, you guys would totally like each other @h-duck

 

h-duck: damian???? my gay soulmate

 

h-chainsandwhips: I'm excited to meet Regina

 

v-sawyer: same!! i might have to slap her tho at the start for all the shit she put janis through

 

slutforslush: ill hold her back

 

h-chainsandwhips: With what muscles?

 

slutforslush: flex.jpg

 

v-sawyer: H

 

h-chainsandwhips: I stand corrected. Also, very impressive

 

h-duck: DAMN

 

h-duck: if only it were more impressive than my heathers muscles

 

slutforslush: bet

 

h-duck: sheholdmetight.jpg

 

slutforslush: okay damn

 

slutforslush: where she get all that

 

h-duck: cheer

 

slutforslush: wow

 

v-sawyer: TINY MACS ARMS LOOK LIKE THAT???????????

 

h-chainsandwhips: Okay I am shook

 

v-sawyer: never say that again

 

h-chainsandwhips: Shook

 

slutforslush: shook

 

h-duck: shook

 

marthathemom: Shook

 

v-sawyer: martha u betrayed me

 

marthathemom: Actually, it's Heather. Hi guys!!

 

h-duck: BABE

 

h-chainsandwhips: You act like you haven't seen her in a week 

 

h-chainsandwhips: When we all hung out in the restroom last period

 

v-sawyer: babe u acted like a koala after i came back from being sick even tho u texted me all day

 

h-chainsandwhips: .... U right

 

slutforslush: hey u guys wanna ditch at lunch to a) get slushies and b) meet the mg

 

marthathemom: MG?

 

slutforslush: yeah, Mean Girls, their musical thing?

 

marthathemom: Ohhhhh! Yes, I want to skip - H

 

marthathemom: But I do not - M

 

v-sawyer: im in

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yeah same

 

h-duck: yeet

 

slutforslush: lit

 

_losers_

_9:01 am_

 

slutforslush: were gonna skip at lunch to come see yall and were bringing slushies!!

 

v-sawyer: jd gets excited over one thing and thats slushies

 

lesbinthot: im into it

 

too-gay-to-function: can you bring me a big bulp

 

slutforslush: GASPU

 

h-duck: oh my fucking gosh he fucking dead

 

v-sawyer: never say big gulp ever

 

slutforslush: damian clark hubbard, the big gulp is INFERIOR to the slushie of 7/11 you, sir, are dead to me.

 

caddy-the-daddy: brutal

 

 slutforslush: alright so well meet yall around 12 aight?

 

lesbinthot: yeet well tell u what hotel were staying at when we get there

 

v-sawyer: I CANT WAIT TO SEE U JANIS!!!!!

 

lesbinthot: H SAME

 

anxiety™: i cant wait to meet yall!!

 

anxiety™: but im going back to sleep (again) wake me up when we get there

 

father-of-gays: WAKE ME UP

 

h-chainsandwhips: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

 

v-sawyer: okay after that im out peace

 

caringthot: yeah same bye!!

 

lesbinthot: ya yeet 


	13. the g in lgbt stands for gretchen.exe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marthathemom: HEATHER CHANDLER YOU KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD
> 
> slutforslush: lol u got yelled at
> 
> marthathemom: YOU TOO JD
> 
> slutforslush: :((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h

_losers_

_11:38 am_

 

lesbinthot: wassup homos we made it!

 

lesbinthot: were at the hampton inn 

 

too-gay-to-function: you gotta tell her which one

 

lesbinthot: theres only one

 

v-sawyer: ^

 

v-sawyer: the period ends at 11:45 then well be outta here

 

slutforslush: what are yalls slurpee flavors?

 

caringthot: im just gonna take everyones orders and lay them out so u dont have a spam

 

caringthot: damian - blue raspberry, janis - dr pepper, gretchen - cherry, karen - pina colada, cady - blue raspberry, aaron - cherry, me - lemonade

 

slutforslush: thank you 

 

anxiety™: regina is an angel omw

 

caringthot: thnx i try

 

_look at all those chickens_

_11:53 am_

 

v-sawyer: heather and i are on our way

 

h-duck: i have heather and were gonna go to her house and snag her phone 

 

slutforslush: my bike has two cupholders

 

h-chainsandwhips: Very nice, JD

 

h-duck: heather arent u driving

 

h-chainsandwhips: Yes

 

marthathemom: HEATHER CHANDLER YOU KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD

 

slutforslush: lol u got yelled at

 

marthathemom: YOU TOO JD

 

slutforslush: :((

 

v-sawyer: heathers pouting lols

 

 marthathemom: Tell her that she can deal because I do not want any of you guys getting hurt!

 

v-sawyer: aww martha cares

 

h-macarena: Phone: aquired

 

h-macarena: Heather's hand: holding

 

h-macarena: My house: left

 

v-sawyer: heather!!

 

h-macarena: H hi V!!

 

v-sawyer: turn your capitalization off!! you said you were going to when u got ur phone back

 

h-macarena: done

 

v-sawyer: yeet!

 

v-sawyer: okay jd heather and i are at sev elev

 

slutforslush: heather get ur corn nuts

 

slutforslush: v and i are on slurpee dudy

 

slutforslush: mac and duke will get the other snacks/drinks well need later on

 

h-macarena: on it

 

h-macarena: also we need new usernames :(

 

_losers_

_12:14 pm_

 

h-macarena: the chicken squad needs new usernames

 

anxiety™: chicken squad?

 

lesbinthot: its what they call themselves

 

lesbinthot: heathers, roni, jd, and martha

 

anxiety™: yeah but why chickens

 

v-sawyer: lookatallthosechickens.mov

 

anxiety™: OH okay

 

slutforslush: v stop sending vines and POUR WE HAVE TWELVE SLUSHIES TO MAKE

 

h-macarena: ANYWAY new usernames help pls

 

 **_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **h-macarena** 's name to  **sunshine**_

_**father-of-gays** has changed  **h-duck** 's name to  **vegetal**_

**_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **slutforslush** 's name to  **emo**_

 **_father-of-gays_ ** _has changed **v-sawyer** 's name to  **bepis**_

_**father-of-gays** has changed  **h-chainsandwhips** 's name to  **the-red**_

_**father-of-gays** has changed  **marthathemom** 's name to  **nya**_

 

sunshine: what the fuck

 

anxiety™: is that a curse word 

 

anxiety™: ANGERY

 

the-red: Wow, Aaron, real original.

 

father-of-gays: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-red

 

the-red: Oh

 

the-red: I don't understand surreal memes

 

bepis: is okay bae

 

the-red: Never

 

the-red: Say that again

 

 bepis: b a e

 

the-red: H

 

sunshine: duke and i are at sev elev now what snacks/drinks do yall want?

 

caringthot: once again ill get the orders

 

caringthot: takis, twelve pack dr pepper, two four-pack monsters, a shit ton of water, fruit if they have any, cosmic brownies if they have them, red vines, ramen, and bbq corn nuts

 

the-red: WHO WANTS BBQ CORN NUTS??!?!?!?!?!?!

 

caringthot: uh... me?

 

the-red: AHSFJKSGFKSDHJGSJSKG

 

bepis: heatherfreakingout.mov

 

caringthot: what the fuck

 

bepis: she loves bbq corn nuts

 

lesbinthot: lol duke and mac in the back just like this is whack

 

caddy-the-daddy: wow janis

 

caddy-the-daddy: fucking wow

 

anxiety™: janis should be a rapper 2kgayteen

 

lesbinthot: *dabs*

 

caringthot: what the fuck

 

caringthot: anyway the school was a total dumbass and put two people in every room but the rooms have two beds so if you guys wanna crash with us this week you can

 

caringthot: also they put me with karen, gretchen with janis, and cady is all by herself for some fucking reason so we need to get that sorted

 

vegetal: green powers: activate!

 

vegetal: heathers and ronnie in one room, regina and janis in another, and gretch, karen, and cady in the third room. jd can crash with damian and aaron

 

too-gay-to-function: i love it!

 

golden-retriever: on this episode of hotel hell, chef gretchen ramsay dies because shes in the room with the two girls she likes

 

anxiety™: H ASHFJ

 

lesbinthot: gretchen.exe has stopped working

 

caddy-the-daddy: karen ajsfhkj

 

too-gay-to-function: tea?

 

caringthot: oh garbage

 

 **_anxiety™_ ** _has created a new chat_

 **_anxiety™_ ** _has added **golden-retriever** and  **caddy-the-daddy** to the chat_

_**anxiety™** has named the chat "i can explain"  
_

_12:39 pm_

 

anxiety™: okay before you guys freak out just listen 

 

anxiety™: if yall dont wanna room with me after this thats okay but i hope we can still be friends bc i value friendship over anything and i didnt want yall to find out

 

anxiety™: so how did yall find out

 

caddy-the-daddy: you left your phone unlocked and we mightve snooped when you slept the second time

 

anxiety™: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

anxiety™: time to die

 

caddy-the-daddy: no gretchen wait

 

golden-retriever: wed be glad to have you! cady and i have been talking about asking you into our relationship for a while because we both like you! im sure were all new to the whole poly thing but im positive we could all love each other and have a healthy relationship! heart emoji!!

 

anxiety™: so yall want this? you want me?

 

caddy-the-daddy: yes!

 

golden-retriever: ^

 

anxiety™: h okay im coming up to the room uhm can i kiss yall?

 

caddy-the-daddy: of course! 

 

anxiety™: H

_losers_

_12:44 pm_

 

caringthot: all is quiet what hath happened

 

anxiety™: i now have two girlfriends uhm

 

bepis: exciting!!!

 

sunshine: we got all the snacks and were on our way!

 

sunshine: also yay gretchen!!

 

caringthot: !!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

 

lesbinthot: my little baby,,,, all grown up,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, with two,,,,, girlfriends ,,,,,,

 

too-gay-to-function: everyone is gay and in love!

 

emo: im straight

 

nya: JD EYES ON THE ROAD

 

lesbinthot: mombot has detected a dangerous activity

 

lesbinthot: mombot has activated mom protocol

 

bepis: janis get off ur phone we need help carrying this shit

 

lesbinthot: im coming!

 

caringthot: thats the same thing she said last night

 

lesbinthot: AJSfhjkfAKJSFJKASFKJSGJ

 

anxiety™: janis.exe has stopped working


	14. janis's good christian minecraft server

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nya: HEATHER GET OFF UR PHONE
> 
> the-red: MARTHA IM NOT MOVING AT ALL
> 
> bepis: can confirm

_losers_

_4:37 pm_

 

the-red: What the fucking fuck.

 

lesbinthot: ?

 

lesbinthot: ??

 

the-red: traffic.jpg

 

the-red: ITS FUCKING FOUR THIRTY

 

the-red: IN SHERWOOD OHIO

 

nya: HEATHER GET OFF UR PHONE

 

the-red: MARTHA IM NOT MOVING AT ALL

 

bepis: can confirm

 

too-gay-to-function: that was h*ckin wild

 

sunshine: its not even night time yet

 

lesbinthot: rip us tonight

 

nya: Hey, what time is the performance tonight?

 

caringthot: 6:30

 

nya: Thank you!

 

caddy-the-daddy: back-on-the-bus.jpg

 

emo: buses are gross

 

sunshine: CAN CONFIRM

 

anxiety™: i read that as boys are gross and same

 

too-gay-to-function: mood? the biggest

 

father-of-gays: DAMIAN I AM HURT

 

too-gay-to-function: boys like shane oman

 

father-of-gays: Valid

 

caringthot: extremely

 

caringthot: he'll fuck anything with a pulse

 

father-of-gays: That's not a guy* because he's homophobic 

 

lesbinthot: yeah i realized that when he keyed "space dyke" on my locker

 

caringthot: THAT WAS HIM

 

caringthot: THE LITTLE SHIT

 

_**father-of-gays** has changed  **caringthot** 's name to  **angerythot**_

 

lesbinthot: gina no

 

angerythot: janis yes!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: im surprised u didnt know it was him already

 

lesbinthot: ikr i mean yall fucked in the lion costume

 

angerythot: ill have to show you what its like ;)

 

lesbinthot: AJHSJ

 

golden-retriever: janis-yelling-at-regina.mov

 

bepis: "REGINA TAYLOR GEORGE HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT SEX IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS!!! IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!!!!!! MY MINECRAFT SERVER REGINA!!" but janis we have the costume,,,, we literally talk about it in the show,,,,,,,, janis we have a prop of it,,,,,, janis,,,, "REGINALD YOU ARE TOO PURE!!! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!1!1!111 DAMIAN GET YOUR CHILD!!!" *picks regina up and hands her to damian over the HECKINF SEAT AJFSKJ* "DONT TALK TO ME AGAIN"

 

the-red: What the fuck?

 

angerythot: gf stronk

 

golden-retriever: regina and janis: have sex like every day

janis to regina: YOURE TOO PURE,,,,,,,, MY CHILD,,,,,,,,,,,,, UR LIKE TWELVE,,

 

too-gay-to-function: TEA

 

lesbinthot: regina isnt allowed to sit with me on the bus anymore

 

lesbinthot: karen come here

 

father-of-gays: wait where do damian and i go

 

too-gay-to-function: u get the floor

 

lesbinthot: me-and-karen.jpg

 

father-of-gays: queens.jpg

 

bepis: is regina STICKING HER OTNUGE BETWEEN HER TWO FINGERS HASJFH

 

sunshine: otnuge

 

anxiety™: otnuge

 

bepis: shut

 

bepis: heather and i r finally home after an HOUR STUCK IN TRAFFIC

 

the-red: Why the FUCK is there so much traffic

 

golden-retriever: guys guess what!

 

caddy-the-daddy: what babe

 

anxiety™: what darling? h that felt good

 

golden-retriever: we sold out the theater!

 

the-red: YOU!!

 

golden-retriever: i what?

 

the-red: YOU are the reason there's so much traffic!!

 

golden-retriever: oops sos gg rip suffer u ginger

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis get off of karens phone

 

golden-retriever: make me, africa

 

caddy-the-daddy: no regina for a week

 

golden-retriever: and who are you to decide that

 

angerythot: janis threw me over the seat i agree with cady

 

golden-retriever: GASPU

 

golden-retriever: BABY NO

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis please give karen back her phone and never call regina baby using my girlfriends phone again thank u

 

anxiety™: REGINA BABY NO

 

caddy-the-daddy: HOW DID U EVEN GET GRETCHENS PHONE WTF

 

anxiety™: she didnt lol i was just messing with u

 

lesbinthot: gretchen ruining my good name

 

lesbinthot: rubbing dirt all over it

 

lesbinthot: disgusting

 

angerythot: "good name"

 

bepis: "good name"

 

lesbinthot: yall are fuckin rude

 

angerythot: says the bitch who THREW ME OVER THE BUS SEAT TO DAMIAN

 

lesbinthot: shut the up

 

golden-retriever: guys!!! were here!!! smiley emoji!!

 

angerythot: peace out thots time for singing

 

lesbinthot: can someone punch shane he shoved me into the bus "accidentally" 

 

angerythot: on it.

 

the-red: Wait for me, I want to punch him too

 

caddy-the-daddy: guys come on we have rehersaaaaalllllllllllllll

 

vegetal: i dont know cady that well but i can ~hear~ that whine

 

caddy-the-daddy: :/

 

anxiety™: guys i got my gf's

 

anxiety™: holding cadys hand feels so good ahjsf

 

anxiety™: if i cry tonight while singing its bc im happy i have two girlfriends

 

golden-retriever: were happy to have u too!! heart emoji!!

 

golden-retriever: now come on and get here already! 

 

vegetal: see yall tonight


	15. mcdonald *muffled shrieking in background*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha guess who finally sat her ass down and wrote a chapter
> 
> sorry for the long wait ive just been stressed about school but thank you guys so much for your support through this !!

_look at all those chickens_

_6:28 pm_

 

bepis: alright thots are yall ready for this show

 

h-duck: hell yeah

 

emo: why must you guys give a play-by-play on everything

 

bepis: because we cant talk to each other during this

 

emo: so youre gonna do it over text?

 

the-red: Yes.

 

emo: okay then

 

bepis: GUYS ITS!!!! MY COUSIN!!!!!!!!

 

nya: Yes! And we're very proud of her!

 

vegetal: DAMIAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN

 

sunshine: ill give you five bucks if you scream his name

 

the-red: I can't believe you actually screamed it oh my word,,,,

 

vegetal: he winked at me im deceased

 

sunshine: CADY!!!

 

bepis: look at this girl she is GLOWING

 

the-red: That's what a new girlfriend gets you

 

vegetal: oh hun u do not wanna go to america i promise u

 

emo: ^

 

bepis: look at my cousin,,,, so pure,,,,,, so beautiful,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

the-red: "pure"

 

vegetal: can yall shut up i wanna enjoy this

 

emo: ^^

 

bepis: whatever loser talk to u after the show thot

 

_losers_

_9:01 pm_

 

the-red: Where the hell are you guys I want to eat.

 

 lesbinthot: chill bitch were coming

 

father-of-gays: BABY SHARK DODODODDODDDODODOODDOODDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

angerythot: what the flying fuck

 

sunshine: you guys were so good!!! im so proud of yall!!!!

 

caddy-the-daddy: thank you so much heather!!!

 

golden-retriever: party emoji!! yellow heart emoji!!

 

anxiety™: guys thats my gf :')))

 

too-gay-to-function: ahhh reminds me of the days when caddy and karen first became girlfriends

 

 lesbianthot: aww i remember those days 

 

golden-retriever: yeah and i remember when gretchen snuck to your house and overheard you and regina having sex

 

angerythot: fucking whAT

 

golden-retriever: oh shit

 

emo: yeah and i deleted the chat history so they couldnt see lol

 

angerythot: FUCKING WHAT

 

lesbianthot: dont let her fake anger scare you

 

lesbianthot: she is quite mortified

 

lesbianthot: also redder than heathers blazer

 

the-red: Doubt.

 

lesbianthot: regina.jpg

 

the-red: Damn you're right.

 

too-gay-to-function: okay were at the hotel and we need rides ;-;

 

sunshine: thankfully, we can all drive

 

emo: but i have a motorcycle that can only fit one other passenger sooooo

 

bepis: jd youre with me

 

emo: >:O

 

emo: i refuse

 

nya: JD ride with Veronica please? 

 

emo: UGH fine

 

nya: Thank you, JD! :)

 

vegetal: i feel so bad for the waiters/waitresses that have to deal with us

 

angerythot: bitch idk what youre talking about were going to mcdonalds

 

lesbianthot: MCDONALD

 

anxiety™: janis just shrieked 

 

caddy-the-daddy: are you surprised?

 

anxiety™: no

 

golden-retriever: someone protect gretchen !!

 

anxiety™: wait why

 

golden-retriever: regina is coming to get you !! D:

 

anxiety™: oh shit

 

anxiety™: okay whos my ride so i can book it stat

 

vegetal: youre with me

 

anxiety™: okay im comisahashjfoeutkwneciweh

 

lesbianthot: top-10-anime-deaths.mov

 

caddy-the-daddy: wait why did regina tackle gretchen?

 

sunshine: bc karen exposed her

 

caddy-the-daddy: janis tell regina to get off my gf or i will throw hands

 

lesbianthot: regina said shell throw hands too

 

lesbianthot: or in her case paws

 

lesbianthot: bc she is a furry

 

anxiety™: good news

 

anxiety™: regina is off of me

 

bepis: bad news?

 

anxiety™: regina is going after janis

 

the-red: Guys I fucking swear if you are not down here in one minute there will be hell to pay.

 

anxiety™: janis looked at heathers message then at regina and they booked it

 

bepis: my cousin and her gf are dysfunctional

 

lesbianthot: ^

 

sunshine: mcdonalds time ??

 

the-red: Never EVER mention that fucking restaurant in this group chat ever again Janis just shrieked as loud as humanly possible what the fuck.

 

angerythot: thats my gf

 

caddy-the-daddy: i am separated,,,,,

 

caddy-the-daddy: from the ones i love the most,,,,,,,,,,

 

lesbianthot: what are you talking about im right here

 

caddy-the-daddy: shut up janis

 

caddy-the-daddy: my girlfriends,,,,,

 

vegetal: cady tell you girlfriends to stop making out in my jeep its disgusting

 

caddy-the-daddy: HURT

 

lesbianthot: top 10 anime betrayals

 

bepis: okay im at mcdonalds

 

the-red: FUCKING STOP SHE SHRIEKED AGAIN

 

 lesbianthot: MCDONALD !!!!!

 

the-red: Die

 

emo: is nobody going to question that aaron didnt state why he baby sharked ??

 

anxiety™: did you just put baby shark in the past tense


End file.
